Merry Christmas to ALL

This holiday season, including Thanksgiving, has been the first that I have been in control or at the very least felt like I had a fighting chance in life again. I am down 89 lbs and still going strong. I have a new appreciation for life again and an appreciation for my life.

I am excited to see what the new year brings. I say.....

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many happy wishes to each and every one. God Bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing what a few days can make

So, my last post was about body image and how I couldn't see the difference. Up till now I really didn't get much feedback on my weight loss. I don't think I was looking for it but I guess maybe I was. All of a sudden in the last two days several people keep making comments to me that I am losing so much weight and that they can REALLY tell now. I am of course thanking them and to myself thinking WHERE DO THEY SEE THIS? All of a sudden it's noticeable? I am wearing the same clothes I have been wearing so it's not like I have bought smaller clothes. I am trying to "hold out" on buying more clothes until my bonus in January but I am also cautious about buying clothes that I am just going to "outgrow".

I just don't see it or understand why now it's suddenly apparent to many people that see me daily at work.
Again, I don't see it. I know that I tug on my jeans and they are snug in the waist and legs and about an hour later it is loose and by the end of the day I am pulling the pants up. So the question is do I go smaller in size, lay down on the bed and do the tug/pull to get them on and buttoned and hope that they will stretch to a normal fit? With my luck I would do that and they wouldn't stretch.
I hate yanking my drawers up throughout the day. Maybe that is what they are noticing that my pants are sagging.

Ok, I am still tight from my last fill. This is the longest I have EVER been tight. This is a good thing and I think I will prolong my next fill. Especially since I am paying for it.

Inspiration and Dedication

Wow! It's the best I can do to describe Amy William's story. http://www.amylhwilliams.com/
I thought I had obstacles to overcome but she truly has paved the way. It is impressive to say the least. Amy Williams had Gastric Bypass in 2004. If you ever thought about the surgery or questioned whether it is worth it just check out HER story. It is amazing.

There are times when I question whether I did the right thing having Lap Band surgery. Was it worth it? Will it really make that much of a difference? YES YES YES!!! How can losing more than 80lbs not be the right thing, not worth it or not make a difference? Mentally I haven't lost weight because I am still holding on to my previous self image. I still don't truly "see" the weight loss. I look in the mirror and I can't say I see the difference. I look at pictures of myself from 6 months ago and compare to pictures now and I still don't see the differences. I need a mental makeover. I just don't know what it will take for me to see the difference.

Yes clothes fit differently but yet not as different as you would think 80lbs would make. Maybe I am expecting more than I should therefore I am not seeing what really is there? I just don't know.

I am a work in progress...

Two Weeks and counting down...

It has been about two weeks since my last fill. I am still VERY tight. This is a first ever. Usually after one week I have loosened up. Not so this time around. I am losing about a half pound a day. I'm not hungry between meals but when I am hungry I am so tight I can eat very little. I am lucky if I eat a cup of food. I am bound and determined to not get into the habit of eating mushies just because it goes down easier. I think that will cause me to start eating too much.

My day today, food-wise:
2 scrambled eggs w/1 laughing cow cheese wedge

Homemade vegetable beef soup 3/4 c

Spaghetti with meat sauce 1 cup

I of course drink Vitamin Water zero throughout the day.

I have continued with the D3 and Biotin. I think it is making a difference. I feel my stomach is flatter and that may be why my weight is continuing to go down. I will definitely keep it in stock. It sure can't hurt.

Well I am cutting this short today. I am tired and really want to get to sleep. All this ice is wearing me out.

To the doubters and the nay-sayers...

LET IT GO!!! I mean really? Why meddle in my business like you know me when you don't. I am talking about those who think they have the right to tell me that what I am eating is not correct for lap band and that I am eating too much and too much fat.

Well here are the facts! One...yes I eat every one of my recipes posted on a regular basis and yes they are not always low fat. Two...I eat whatever I want, PERIOD! Look, what works for me won't always work for others and what works for others won't always work for me. That is just the facts of life. Deal with it.

Here's the other fact: I have lost more than 80 lbs. Since May 2010. So, my question is what am I doing wrong? Nothing that's what. What I am doing for me is work for me. KEYWORD: ME. Don't judge me or try and tell me what I am doing is wrong. It's working and frankly I am very happy. This has not put a strain on my life other than when I get stuck or am tight. The rest is well my life in all its glory so how can it be wrong?

Sorry to vent but I am tired of the negativity. What I have accomplished is a positive thing and there is nothing more to say about it. If you can't be encouraging then do be anything. Would you like it if I was to meddle in your business and put you down or make light of your successes?

I think not....

One week and still tight as a drum

Well tomorrow will be one week since I got my adjustment. WOW what a difference. I am so tight now!!
I eat 2 bites and then I am stopped solid. It's like I hit a wall. It takes about 20 minutes and then I feel a "pop" like a dam has broke and I feel it start to loosen up. I am able to eat a little more for about a cup total.

I have tried all tricks and it doesn't matter whether it is a soft food like scrambled eggs or a solid like chicken. I get stuck regardless. I have tried drinking scalding hot apple cidar about 10-15 min before I eat and I have tried drinking it only when it gets super stuck as in painfully stuck. Nothing works other than sitting there and letting it do it's own thing. I seriously can only sit there. I can't bend over, lean over or even strain my stomach in any way shape or form until it passes.

I am only eating 3 times a day and like I said I am only eating about a cup. At breakfast it is even less. Nothing more than 1 egg scrambled and that takes me about 20 minutes to choke it down.

I am on vacation this week so being stressed is not a factor this week. I am just vegging out at home, doing a little online and in store shopping for Christmas. It can only be the fill. I don't think I am too tight but I have to seriously rethink my food choices and CHEW CHEW CHEW and then CHEW CHEW some more.

I think this adjustment will last me until January. I can say one thing, eating out will NOT be on the menu for a while. It is too difficult and being tight is so unpredictable. I go back to work next week and will definitely be taking all my food with me. It is going to be interesting to say the least.

Since I am home all week I have been cooking dinner all week. The family loves this. I have made fettucini alfredo with chicken, crockpot cheeseburger sloppy joes, fish, ham and pasta casserole. I am also going to make chicken cordon bleu casserole and chili mac over the next few days. The family is loving it.
But I am running out of meal ideas that will appeal to both the family and my band. There are some nights, like fettucini night that I just snacked because I can't eat pasta. It will be the same with the chili mac. I need fresh ideas and really want crock pot ideas.

Waist not want not

My last appointment at the beginning of November left me with a decision. Adjustment or no adjustment? I had horrible heartburn and feared that an adjustment would put more pressure on my stomach and make the heartburn even worse. I chose to fore go the adjustment. The heartburn has cleared up and I have refilled my Protonix prescription for just these occasions. That way if the heartburn creeps up I don't have to suffer. I take one as needed. I also weighed the fact that I didn't want to be tight at Thanksgiving. Not that I wanted to eat a lot but I didn't want to be running to the bathroom because I was stuck.

The downside to not getting the adjustment is I had no restriction what so ever. I was always told that for something to become a habit you need to do it continuously for 21 days. Then it becomes the new norm. Really?  Because I think if I have been doing a habit for 20+ years, I don't think 21 days will change that. It will take much longer especially if it is a deep rooted habit. Now don't get me wrong, some habits can be changed in a short time period. I gave up soft drinks cold turkey and never looked back. I think I was successful because I found something else that I liked just as much if not better that replaced it. Vitamin Water Zero, rise flavor. But really, I don't think there is an adequate substitute for eating that would make changing your eating habits that easy. So having said that, I found that even though for over 6 months I have consistently eaten smaller meals and only 3 meals a day, when I didn't get the fill, it was easy to fall back into my old habits and eat larger meals and more often. Snacking was easy when there wasn't any restriction and because there was no restriction I was hungry more often.

The result of all this? I only lost 1 lb in a month. It was very disheartening yet at the same time I was glad it was a loss and not a gain. I feel a little like I have lost a month since I didn't lose as much as I usually do. I can see how I easily slip back into the old habits of eating more. That scares me a lot. I wonder if I will ever be able to eat without the help of the band. It is worrisome to know that I don't have control even after all this time. It also reaffirms my decision to have the surgery because I would have never done what I have so far without the surgery. Thank you my lovely lap band.

More not so good news, my BP was up. My doctor cut my medicines way down and as a result my BP has crept up but in the last month had jumped back up. 133/88. Looks like I may have to get higher dosages.

More not so good news, AGAIN. I paid cash for my surgery so my insurance doesn't cover anything related to the surgery. My office visit is covered but they charge $100 for the adjustment. I may be paying $100 a month for adjustments if I need them that often. It's funny how when I was within my 6 months of free adjustments they told me to come back every 4 weeks. Now that I am paying cash for the adjustments they told me that I can come back every 2 weeks if I feel I am not getting the restriction I need. Well of course you would. They never offered that before other than to say if you need us or feel the adjustment isn't enough give us a call but this time they specifically said I could get fills every 2 weeks. Sorry, I don't have an extra $100 every two weeks.

 Well I got my adjustment and now have 5.8 in my band. I am hoping to change a few things and hopefully this next month will be more successful.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Well this was a very interesting day. I am SOOOOO glad I didn't get the fill a few weeks ago. I cooked up a storm. I made green beans, macaroni and cheese, pineapple casserole and spinach Waldorf salad with apple cinnamon dressing. We took it all over to my Mom's. There we were greeted with Turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes with gravy, carrot souffle, rolls, another salad, egg nog, soft drinks, sweet tea, hot chocolate and THREE pies along with cookies, oh and piggies. Yes piggies. They are a meat mixture that has rice and seasonings wrapped in cabbage leaf and cooked in sauerkraut. It's German and absolutely delish!! We had large plates and salad size plates. I chose the smaller plate my kids were using. I was very good. It was nice spending time with the family. A little sad that some family thinks we are there to wait on them hand and foot. Seriously, get off your keister and help clean up for once. No dice. Same as last year. Oh well.

I had 1 slice of turkey, 1/2 a piggie, a tablespoon of mac n cheese, a tablespoon of pineapple casserole and spinach Waldorf salad. I drank vitamin water zero. This was around noon. I didn't eat anything else and I wasn't hungry. That all changed when I got home around 7pm and was ravenous. I heated up some meat spaghetti I made yesterday and once again am satisfied.

Tomorrow I am making a ham. I made extras of the food I made for Thanksgiving so we have all our sides tomorrow for our usual Black Friday tradition.

I have been taking my Biotin daily. Some days it seems to be working and I have less hair falling out and other days it's like I am going bald. I started using John Frieda's Voluminous hair creme. I really like it and it makes my hair look thick without a heavy greasy look and feel.

I also started taking Vitamin D supplement. D3 to be exact. A few months back I was diagnosed with a severe Vitamin D deficiency. I took the prescription supplement of 50000IU a week. I noticed that my stomach was getting flatter and not as flabby also my bone and joint pain went away and my doctor said I had arthritis in my knees but nothing about a deficiency. When I stopped taking the supplement after 12 weeks I noticed after a few weeks my bones and joints started hurting again and my stomach become more pronounced. I had the muffin top back. Well mine is more of a pop over tummy. I had the thought about Vitamin D. Then came the news stories about Vitamin D and it's connection with losing belly fat and weight. So I am now taking D3 as a supplement again. I am taking 5000IU per day. I am hoping this helps me. I will keep you updated.

Ok...enough for now. I have a splitting headache so I am off to get some rest.

Band-a-monium

Well, I can say for certainty that my band needs some serious adjusting. I did the most horrible thing the other day which tells me without this band I would be right back where I was. I got a western bbq bacon cheeseburger from Steak n Shake. I planned on taking off the bun and eating the meat for a treat. Well I thought I would try a bite with the bun. BIG MISTAKE!! The mistake being there was no restriction. NONE!! It went down just fine. I ate the WHOLE thing, bun and all. I should not have been able to do that.

My doctor lowered my BP meds and took away my water pill. I started to swell and I started to gain weight. I put on 11 lbs in one weekend. I am now back down to where I was so the good news is I haven't gained but I haven't lost either. This will be the 1st time I haven't lost anything since the surgery which is discouraging. It took all I had to get the 11 lbs back off.

It isn't like I am eating constantly but when I do eat I can eat MUCH MUCH larger portions and I don't stop. I am getting hungry about every 3 hours when before it was 5-6 hours. I don't go back until Dec 2nd which I thought I was glad about since Thanksgiving was coming up. I didn't want to get stuck at the dinner table and have to get up and get relief so to speak. Now I am thinking I need to go get a fill and chance it and be very careful. I think I will call them tomorrow and see if I can get anything for Tuesday or Wednesday. If I get it Wednesday I can't eat meat, bread or pasta for 24 hrs so that could be a problem. I am going to have think long and hard on this one.

I also don't want to eat much at the dinner because I have family who I am sure will make comments about how much I eat. They are on a "diet supplement" that they now sell that they said made them lose 20 lbs in a few weeks. Not healthy in my opinion but that is their choice and if something was that great it would in my opinion be FDA approved so it could help others. Just my thoughts. They like to compare so I guess they will say look I take this supplement that is cheaper than your surgery and natural and I have lost all this weight. I don't like to talk about my surgery. I don't think it needs to be the focus. What I do to lose weight and get healthy is my business and I don't feel I need to explain it or bring it up everytime I am in a group setting. If someone happens to know and they ask me questions I am more than happy to answer but I NEVER bring it up myself. The Band is a part of my life and will be for the rest of my life so there is no need to discuss it whenever I eat. I guess I am tired of people who "think" they know about the surgery telling me what I am doing wrong or that I am eating too much. Really people, I think I know what I can and cannot have.

Today is my son's 21st birthday and he wants to go to a buffet. Not a good thing for me since I am able to eat loads of food. It is going to be a very trying day.

Wish me luck....

P.S. one final note...I did get my first random compliment. Someone I haven't seen much and one that I don't think knows I had surgery said I was getting skinny. Well skinny is a relative term since we are both quite heavy already but the fact is she noticed and she is the 1st person to actually notice and that I didn't feel she was saying it because she knew I had surgery. I felt it was a real observation and compliment. It felt good to hear it.

Stuck Stuck Stuck like a big ole truck

WOW this has been a HORRIBLE week. I have gotten stuck over and over. I didn't get a fill so I have no idea why. At one point I was able to eat a lot this past few weeks but lately it has been difficult. The hot beverage does work though people. It has saved me many a trip to the bathroom at a restaurant or at some one's house or even at work.

My doctor has reduced my blood pressure meds once again and the only reason I am still on one of the meds is because it is beneficial for diabetes in sugar control. So I am on the minimal dose for that one. The other med is for my heart rate. I am staying on that one. No more water pill. I am not sure how I feel about that. I have been on a water pill for 9 1/2 years since I had a spontaneous collapsed lung (pneumothorax). I was diagnosed as Congestive Heart Failure (CHF). I didn't have trauma or coughing fit. I was sitting on the couch one evening. Kids were asleep and hubby had taken our oldest son on a Boy Scout camping trip. I sat forward to get up and had a sharp pain in my back. Suddenly I couldn't move. I was unable to breathe. I was stuck in one position all night. I couldn't reach the phone and my kids were young and sound asleep. I took short shallow breaths all night. I had no idea what it was. I thought I just had a really bad "catch" in my back. I went to work on that Monday, still in pain and ended up leaving to go to urgent care. They said I had pleurisy. The treatment didn't work. So I finally got into my doctor's and he did an xray. He showed me my partially collapsed lung. He said it obviously had worked itself out a little since I was able to breathe a little better. That is my CHF in a nutshell. Since then, I swell easily and walking across the parking lot or up the short flight of stairs at home causes heavy breathing. It may be why I fall asleep as soon as I get done exercising.

Anyway, I guess I am concerned that without the water pill my symptoms will get worse. We shall see because if it does don't think I won't be high-tailing it to the docs again.

Wish me luck...

Continuing on...

I am really glad I didn't get a fill. My heartburn is clearing up but I am starting to get stuck more often. Not stuck bad but just enough to make me uncomfortable and have to stop eating.

I am thinking about starting ZUMBA. I don't know if I should sign up for a class or get the DVD to do at home. I am thinking at home. I just need the motivation to actually do it and stick to it. I have not been exercising like a should. I have the recumbent bike and hardly use it. I am hanging clothes on it right now. I keep using the excuse that I will use it in the mornings after I get the kids off but I don't. I reason that I am running late for work. I tell myself I will use it once I get my "exercise room" painted and rearranged. That hasn't happened yet. I have a treadmill in the room. I also have an elliptical in the basement and a recumbent bike in my living room. What can I possibly do to motivate myself to do this? I also have Wii Fit and I don't use that. I know I am just lazy when it comes to exercise. That and after I exercise I fall asleep. No kidding. I don't think I get enough oxygen when I am exercising and when I am done I get really lethargic and lay down and go to sleep. Any one had any ideas on what I can do to get my butt motivated to stick with something? I know...find something you love. Well I don't like ANY form of exercise. Again it ALL makes me sleepy. It's almost like a downer for me.

Let me know what you all think.

Made a meatloaf casserole this week. It was delish. Probably not the best thing for banders but it didn't get stuck. I am not a bander who eats light minimal meals. I eat a salad plate size serving at every meal just about. Meatload casserole is a meatloaf on the bottom then layer of mashed potatoes. You can throw in a layer of vegetable if you want. I just put the veggie on the side. Very good. Check my recipe section.

One thing about the band is that I control it, it does not control me. Meaning...I eat regular foods just smaller portions. I will generally try to make everything with lower fat/calorie ingredients whenever possible. I want my life to be just that. MY LIFE. The band controls some aspects like what foods get stuck and how much I eat but for the most part I eat whatever I like. Just like with any diet, if I want it I need to go ahead and have it otherwise I will break down and have it later in a larger portion.

I am going mexican/southwestern for my food choices this week. I am making nacho casserole and southwestern Chicken for the week so that I have lunch and food when the family eats things I can't have, such as pork chops. My husband wants chops. Chops no matter what get stuck unless they are baked in a gravy. He also wants pot roast. That I can't have no matter what. Not going down that route again. So not worth it. I will eat the cooked veggies though. Planning ahead and putting the food in potioned containers helps.

Please let me know any casserole ideas you have and any exercise ideas you have.

Still doing down, down, down

Well went for my follow up and I am down 4.5 lbs. in a month. Not a lot but still plenty. I have been having heartburn for the last few weeks so I decided to not get a fill. I am going to take protonix for a few weeks to get this cleared up. So I go back in 4 weeks.

I have had a good work/food week. After that heavy Paula Deen buffet it was nice to eat lighter fare. I did however had some mac n cheese from Famous Dave's. Awesome stuff. Mac n cheese with corn and jalapenos. YUM!! Hmm...maybe that is the source of my heartburn??

I am cutting this short. I have to head out. More to come...

Hairloss Update

Good news in the week since my last post. My widening part has begun to fill back in. I am hoping this is a permanent change for the good. I am taking the Biotin daily at 5000 mcg. It doesn't help stop hair loss but mine has slowed down somewhat. It's still coming out but not in the handfuls it was before. My hair is looking healthier everyday. 

So I found more "smaller" clothes. The jeans have a bit of spandex (stretch) in them and while they are snug when I put them on, by the end of the day I am pulling them up constantly. What's up with that?? I am hoping I can shrink them so when they stretch out they won't be so big. Of course, everyone knows when you want to shrink something it won't.

I also found a couple of shirts. One is a little big but I think I can get a few wears out of it. It's kind of fun to see clothes I haven't worn in years, yes years, that now fit me again. I only kept the clothes that had a universal look that wouldn't go out of style. It saves me money too. With Christmas coming up I need to save money where I can.

I went to Paula Deen's buffet at Horseshoe Casino Saturday night. I only ate breakfast and didn't eat any lunch. I also drank hot beverage with dinner to make sure I didn't get stuck. I know it breaks the golden rule of no drinking while eating but the bathroom is outside the restaurant and down the hall quite a ways so if I were to get stuck it would be a long long trek to get relief and I may not make it. Drinking during the meal made it more enjoyable but I also ate more. ALOT MORE!!
I had gotten a small small portion of a few things so I could have a smidgen of a variety of stuff.
Smokes sausage
Meatloaf
mashed potatoes
Mac n cheese
Collard Greens (yeah, I had never had collard greens before, not too bad)
Green Beans
Chicken

I was thoroughly stuffed after that meal and very guilty. I will not be drinking during the meal again. This was a free buffet that my hubby and I had and wanted to make the most of it. Not that I would ever pay $27 each for a buffet. I try to avoid buffets now, too expensive, unless it is lunch then its not so bad and I have more of a variety of band-friendly foods.

Tonight I made a big pot of chili and buffalo chicken dip. I ate the dip. Yeah that didn't agree with me. It has some spice to it.

I also made Vegetable rice soup for lunches this week. The soup is good for you and high protein. 20 g per serving. The big pot of soup is 4 servings, 358 cal, 11g fat, 20g protein. Not bad and very flavorful!! The recipe is under my recipe section.

Well I will update after my office visit on Thursday...

It's official!!!! I am buying clothes off the rack!!!

I broke down and went shopping today. I bought 4 shirts, 2 pairs of dress pants, one pair of jeans. I am still in plus sizes but a smaller plus size and no longer required to go to the BIG girl's store. SWEET!! It was a good feeling and it was a heck of a lot cheaper. I spent $125 and that also included a pair of shoes for me and a pair of AVIA shoes for my son who is in adult men's shoes already. So technically I spent $100 on myself including my shoes. Now, usually, I would spend $125 at Lane Bryant on two pairs of pants and a shirt. So I did really well today.  I was a little apprehensive but all in all a good day. I actually may look forward to shopping for clothes again.

I have learned that PORK is not my friend. As in pork chops, ribs, etc. I went to Shane's Rib shack for lunch and got some ribs. They are fall off the bone tender. I ate one rib (they are small), no problem. Took one bite of the 2nd one and instantly became stuck tight. I ended up going to the bathroom to dislodge it and then was tight the rest of the day. I am convinced it is pork. So my NO NO list grows...
No:
Pork
Pot Roast
Bread (other than Jimmy Johns)
Steak
Tortillas

I remembered to take my biotin today. My nails are growing long and hard. I sure hope this hair loss slows down soon and I hope the biotin helps my hair growth.

I go back to the doctor for a follow up on Nov 4th. I don't see myself getting a fill this next time. I think I am in a good spot right now. I am not hungry between meals. I am still eating small amounts(as in salad plate size).

I had my wonderful hamburger with Queso Laughing Cow cheese for dinner. It is scrumptious. I have extras for the week.
My intake for today:
2 eggs, 2 wedges laughing cow, light swiss
3 chicken livers, green beans, salad
grilled hambuger, 2 wedges Queso laughing cow cheese
Vitamin water Zero
grapple (grape-uhl)

Are you wondering what a grapple is? It is a grape flavored apple. Yes that is correct!! It smells delicious and tastes just as good. YUMMY in tummy!!

Portions are controlled, hair not so much

Portions have been under control since my last fill. I have had no real issues with sliming which is a good thing all around. I am feeling good about where my band is at right now. I am finding myself pushing away the plate before I finish my food and I am sticking to the salad sized plates. I am not so concerned with fat or calories as I probably should be but I am satisfied and happy with my results so far. I don't think about what I am going to eat other than making sure it is protein based and bread reduced.
I LOVE hamburgers off the grill but they just aren't the same without a good bun. I have been disappointed. However, I recently found a solution that makes the burger absolutely delish and I don't even think about the bun  not being there. Laughing cow wedge cheese has a new flavor called Queso. Just a little spice is nice. When we grill out burgers, I have hubby make several extra. I store them in a container of fat free/low sodium beef broth. Keeps them moist. Heat one up and spread a wedge of Queso Laughing Cow and it is like gourmet dining. I pair it with a salad and I have a completely wonderful and satisfying meal. I take it for lunch. I have it for dinner if what the family wants is not band friendly(like pizza).
I have made some "mushy" foods lately and realize I really need to limit those because while I don't eat more in one sitting, I am finding myself having the munchies because my hunger wasn't fully satisfied. Solid foods stay with me much longer and keeps me satisfied.
My clothes are way too big now. I still haven't gone shopping but with the weather turning colder I won't have a choice for much longer. I had to wear business casual all week and had people telling me to stop wearing some pants because they were HUGE on me. So if others are noticing and actually telling me I guess it is time to suck it up and go shopping. I really hate to because even though I know I will be choosing a smaller size it is disheartening when a smaller size fits you in one piece of clothing but in another it is way too small. I get discouraged because outfits I think are so freakin cute look hideous on me.

Ok, the hair....I am really getting self concious about my hair. It is thinner and thinner on top. My part looks more like the grand canyon. I see LOTS of scalp and my hair overall is VERY thin. I tried products that make your hair appear thicker but it only made it greasy, flat and nappy looking. I usually wash my hair every other day so it doesn't strip out the color and when I wash my hair loads of hair falls out. If I put the products on my hair the next day it is a grease pit.
I am taking BIOTIN daily, well trying to remember. It won't help with thinning but should help with growth of the hair I have. I understand this is typical between 3-6 months after surgery and it should slow down or stop after a few months. Here's hoping!!!

This week has been stressful

Well, I have to say this has been a stressful week. I did keep one promise to myself and that is I turned down ALL offers of candy or sweets. I went and bought Werther's hard candies with caramel in the middle. It is 50 cal for 2 pieces. That is my new must have sweets. I am saving calories and fat versus eating chocolates or candy bars and still getting the satisfaction when I am stressed. I put it to the test this week and it worked beautifully.

I brought my lunch all week except for the two days I ate the catered lunches. Even then I did really well. I had a salad with the main entree. Yesterday it was hamburgers and I ate it without the bread. It was still yummy. All in all, it was a good food week. I still have restriction although each week it is a little less tight. It loosens as I eat which is good. I would rather it loosen a little than be so tight I get sick. No episodes of sliming since my fill so I am happy. I think my portions are better controled then before the fill and I was sliming all the time. Weird! You would think that having more put in my band would mean it would get worse but it hasn't. I am being more careful and not taking chances on foods that have the potential to cause problems. To me it isn't worth the risk. Also, I am making sure I am eating more solids. After last time I was very scared of solids and tended to eat more mushy foods if possible. I can't do that and continue to feel full and lose weight. I am still learning to live with my band but all in all I would do it again in a heartbeat!!

I'm not weighing myself today. It's not a good "time" so in about 7 days I will weigh in. I know my weight isn't down this week due to issues but I should be good in a week.

I said last week that I will have to break down and go shopping for clothes. Boy that was apparent this week. I have a lot of belly skin/fat right now. It's jiggily. Pant that are snug in the waist are HUGE through the butt and legs and it makes me look dumpy. WOW I usually never worry about that. I normally would worry that it wasn't big enough to cover up all that girth. I guess I should try a slim fit in the current size I am in so it isn't so big in the legs and butt. I have to wear business casual all next week so I guess I need to get that taken care of this weekend. YUCK, I really hate shopping!!!

Noticing changes

Well for starters, this fill I can notice a change. I eat a much smaller portion than I have been lately. This is a good thing. I don't feel anymore stuck than usual but I defintely have a full feeling shortly after I start eating. My nurse gave me a xerox copy of the "lap band plate" so I could have the actual size of the plate. I am not able to even eat that much right now. Here is what I ate today: 2 eggs, 2 wedges lite laughing cow swiss, meatloaf, green beans, 6 buffalo sauce pretzel chips, then for dinner another slice of meatloaf, green beans. Drank Vitamin Water Zero all day. I like to eat the same food for lunch and dinner.

The second thing I have noticed is my clothes finally are getting noticeably HUGE on me. I wore a pair of my smaller jeans last week and I was told to stop wearing them that they were too big. Nice to hear that for a change. I have noticed that my shirts are more loose on me. Some to the point that I need to get rid of them. Again, I never imagined I would be saying that! I have been gettin clothes out of my bin that I put smaller yet stylish clothes in. I am running out of those too. It looks like I will have to break down and go shopping. I have been trying to avoid it.

Tottally off the subject here but anyone heard of or remember La Femme Nikita? OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW!! I can only get it online and can only watch it for about 56 min before I am kicked off for an hour. I am addicted!!

Well that is all for now. I hope the good news keeps coming.

The latest...

I went in for a fill yesterday. I called the office Monday because I was eating way too much and the scale was not moving no matter what I did. Also, I have had strong cravings for sweets and snack foods which I NEVER did before. Oh, ocassionally I would want a little candy or chips but it wasn't daily, multiple times per day. I have been out of control with that for the past two weeks. I was also eating way more than I should. I could eat a salad plate and a half of food each time. Although I wasn't hungry for another 5-6 hrs it still was more than I should have had.
I knew that I needed an alternative for sweets craving at work where chocolates are abundant! Let's face it, chocolate melts and slides right on through the band so I was able to indulge immensely in the chocolate caramel dove candies or the fundraiser caramel chocolate candy bars. Well I need to support the schools/kids right? Yeah that was my excuse. I have compromised to Werthers hard candies with the caramel center. Do you see the caramel theme going on here? Suddenly I am a caramel fanatic. Again not usual for me. Anyway, the Werthers is 50 cal, 1g fat for two candies. They are delish! That is my compromise for now to get me through this crisis I seem to be having. I did turn down the offers of twix bars and a cupcake. That's progress right?

Back to the doctor visit...I went in yesterday for a fill and I had actually lost 7lbs since my last appointment so I was thrilled and very surprised. Of course that was over about 6 weeks. I got a .2 fill to try and help curb my portion size but she didn't want me to get too tight. It is official, I absolutely cannot eat regular bread or toast. I can only eat the bread from Jimmy Johns sandwiches. Weird but true! No tortillas either. No pot roast because it is too stringy no matter how small a bite. It just compresses into a ball and gets stuck. I can still eat the cooked vegetables that I put in the roast so I guess I will have to live with that. Dang it!
I go back to the doctor in a month so we shall see how this is going for me.

Keep tuned in...

Stressed & Depressed

Well I officially didn't get the job and I feel like a loser. Not that I am not happy for the person that did. I am just glad it wasn't the current team leader of that unit but I am bummed I didn't get it. I feel like a failure and loser because I am her team leader and she was considered the better choice over me so that makes me feel and look like I am not a very good team leader. I am fed up really. I work my tail off for the unit each and every day. I stay late until 10, 11 or sometimes midnight on the last day of the month to help get everyone's checks posted when they all leave at 6 or 8 pm.
I had to sit there all day listening to my supervisor tell EVERYONE that she was the PERFECT person for the job. HELLO...I sit right outside your cubicle. I can hear you. Apparently I was told it was because my scores were low. My scores are a compilation of making my goal, percentages and such. Hers was higher and supposedly that was the deciding factor. This is according to my supervisor and that I was 2nd choice. Well not according to the person doing the hiring. She said she sat down with my supervisor and my division manager and discussed who would be best for the job and the other one was chosen. In the meeting with the unit she told them that it was close between the current team leader and the one that got the job. I wasn't a factor. I feel like I have been lied to and held back intentionally because no one does or even knows how to do all the work I do for the unit. If I left there would be no one to do it. My supervisor all day kept saying to me how glad she was that I didn't get the job and kept asking me if I was okay with not getting the job. Well no I wasn't okay with it but that really doesn't matter does it. It was the last day of the month, I had to do everyone's stuff, ignore mine so I couldn't work on making my goal (which I didn't make, AGAIN) and stayed until 10pm. AGAIN. Is it really worth it?? I am beginning to wonder.
I haven't been losing any weight. Not gaining, but not losing. I know it is because I am eating sweets. I am just in this funk and I start crying at the drop of a hat. Especially about this job. I don't know why I am so emotional about it. I guess I wanted it more than I realized.
I think some stress is also over my oldest daughter being back in our lives. I don't trust her and am concerned about being around her after all that she has done to us but she is our daughter and we can't NOT help her. She was living in deplorable conditions and eventually was getting kicked out on the street with no job. We moved her back to the city, got her a place to live, a job and helped pay her rent, got some furniture etc. Not one thank you from her. Now my son is unemployed. We are in week 3 of him not having a job. That stresses me because he is the "good child". He still lives at home so he doesn't have the usual worries about finding a job which makes me concerned that he isn't trying as hard as he should. He spends more time at his girlfriends house than he is out looking for a job. She is 19 yrs old and has NEVER had a job and really isn't trying to find one. If she gets a job offer she turns it down because the hours are too late or her mom doesn't want her working at McDonalds. Whatever!! Again just more stress!!
I know I need to let all of that go and focus on myself. It is just so hard to do when it is your kids. Work is part of my everyday life so that is hard to let go too.

What to do. What to do.....

Been a hard week

This has been a really hard week. A co-worker was fired yesterday. Another co-worker was reprimanded. I found out today that the supervisor's job was offered to another person, who also happens to be in my unit and I am her team leader so that makes me feel and look like a loser. Officially I haven't been notified yet. She has been made an offer for the job. She said she had to think about it. She is remote, works from home, and this job would mean she has to come back into the office and now she just isn't sure she wants to do it. Most likely she will though. If by chance she doesn't accept it, then I am 2nd choice. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It would be hard to accept the job knowing I was 2nd choice only because the 1st choice decided to bail. I doubt I will find out how that feels. I am sure she will accept. Tomorrow will be the day they announce it I think. oh well...life goes on I guess.
I need to get back to the doctor for a follow up. I canceled my last appointment and have not had the time to even call and reschedule. I am about 3 weeks overdue. My 6 months of free follows ups ends in November. Guess I need to get back to seeing them. I don't think I need a fill though. I also am not losing much weight right now. My PCP cut my bp meds in half and I am starting to swell up more often. I had a bp med that has a diuretic in it and now that it is cut in half I am swelling in my feet again. Not as bad as before but it is there.
I am eating okay but I have been eating more candy and sweets. Not because I crave it but because I am soooooooooo stressed at work right now. I know it is a bad habit but right now it is the best I can do. I can't pig out so this is as close as I can get.
What I ate today...
2 eggs, 1 wedge of laughing cow lite swiss
grilled hamburger patty, with jalapeno cheese slice
baked beans, chips
4 Dove caramel chocolates
handful of cheese popcorn
2 bottles of Vitamin water zero-Rise.

I am not the least bit hungry right now.

Well on to tomorrow....

The week in review

It has been a long week. Band-Wise nothing new really going on. Occasionally still getting stuck, but no major episodes. I find it is just best to avoid the foods that cause the issue.
I had thought that after all this time I had educated people around me (friends, family, co-workers) as to what I can eat and how much. The misconception that most people have about the amount of food has been trying this week. I even had the same ideas but have since learned it's not true. Here's the deal and I have said it in the past. I am not supposed to be eating 1/4 of a kiddie portion of food. Yes that is what was told to me this week when I was trying to enjoy my lunch. I was informed I was eating too much and was told what's the point of the surgery if you are just going to pig out again. OK, first, who the hell do you think you are to stand there and proceed to try and tell me what I should or should not be doing with regards to my band? Second, you are not one to talk considering you aren't doing squat about your weight issues. Lucky for him I didn't address that. Not my place to do that. Not my issue. I am dealing with mine. Anyway, I just sat there for sec and thought really? You have nerve but I very calmly explain, AGAIN, that he was wrong. I am supposed to eat a salad plate size portion of food at every meal. Again he says well what's the point in that? Um....to lose weight in a healthy way? DUH?? I told him that the point is not to starve myself but to eat healthy portions not bird sized portions. He mumbled that is so not true as he walked away. SERIOUSLY?? Don't come up in my space and try and tell me what I am doing wrong when you are not me and you do not have a band and even if you had the band you are again not me. Everyone is different and has different needs or requirements with the band.
Here's the kicker, I was at one point eating teeny weeny portions, and was still hungry some days and barely losing weight. Oh the scale was still going down just very slowly. Then vacation happened. I didn't have much restriction while on vacation and was able to eat what I thought was much larger amounts of food. I dreaded coming back to my appointment because I just knew I gained weight. Nope! I lost more than ever before. My nurse said that it was because I ate more. I told her that was crazy because even the binder that the doc's office gave me said my pouch would only hold 4 ounces. She said well, that was not exactly true. She then explained what I should eat and how much. I was shocked and believe me it has been a challenge to re-train my thought process to eat more when the purpose was to eat less. I am eating less than before the surgery so all is good. My weight loss has continued to go down in healthy increments and I am much happier for the normal sized food portions.
Right now I don't feel I need another fill. I think I am in the green zone. Yes some things get stuck, that is the nature of the beast within, aka lap band. LOL!! Overall though I am not hungry between meals. I eat 3 times per day. I generally rarely eat a snack unless I am bored so I make a point to avoid that but there is nothing wrong with a couple of cheese and crackers or a few chips or even a Dove Bliss once in while or even a tid bit daily. MM...chocolate.
The point of the band is that it should be such an integral part of me that I don't even notice it. That is where I am now. It is my life so I don't think about it anymore other than the foods that I know get stuck. Those I do think about. I also think about that I know if I wait too long between meals then more foods that normally don't get stuck will. It is my life now.
I hate getting off on this tangent but why do some people feel they have the right to question what I do with my body or my band? I have never flaunted my band in front of anyone. I don't talk about it at work at all. I will answers questions but when some dip wad comes up to my desk while I am enjoying a nice lunch and say things that stupid I have to vent.
On the home front, things are better. Are they great? No but definitely better. He is keeping his comments to himself and has backed off on his obsession somewhat. I am not putting up with it so he might as well give it up.
I had my 1st interview for the Supervisor position on Wednesday. I was sooo nervous. I'm not sure I did so well. I had the impression that she was trying to talk me out of it. Which is strange considering she can just not pick me. Why try to talk me out of it? The first thing she said to me was that she was shocked I applied. When I asked her why she just kind of hedged around it and said she didn't know. Really? I didn't buy that.  She told me it was a thankless job and proceeded to tell me how terrible the job was. Why do that? I know exactly what the job is so what is her deal? My supervisor told me that the rule is now if you are turned down for a job and ask them why they MUST give you specific reasons on why the other person was a better fit for the position. Not to toot my own horn but I would be considered an expert for this client so I guess she will have to come up with a really good reason not to choose me. We shall see but another reason why I don't feel good about my chances is that another co-worker applied and when she went to her interview the first thing said to her was that she was that person's first pick even before she posted the job. This person has experience with this client but I have more current knowledge and insight to the client and access to the client as the team leader and coincidentally her team leader too.  She on the other hand was a supervisor for this unit we applied for but that was 12 years ago and she chose to step down in rank to her current position. We shall see.
Good clothes news...
This week was business casual at work. No jeans! I have only been wearing jean capris because that is what I had that was comfortable and fit, somewhat. So I had to find clothes for this week and now apparently next too. Casual dress pants. I tore up my house looking for clothes. I found 4 pairs of capri/crop khakis or black pants. They all fit. I was nervous about the 4th pair since they were a few sizes smaller than the others. All my pants have been washed and dried many many times over so in reality they are already smaller than the size in them. I put on the 4th pair yesterday and they fit!! And they were comfortable. Life is good.


Life life on purpose with a purpose

Times, they's a changing

It seems each day, each week, each month things around me are changing. I am just now beginning to realize that others around me see changes and they are starting to react to them.
For instance, when I was on vacation, for the first time, I didn't feel like people were looking at me. Oh I know I am still big but for some reason I didn't FEEL as big.
At work, people who know I had the surgery tell me they notice it in my face. I can too now. I like what I see for once. I no longer get depressed looking in the mirror when getting ready in the mornings.
At work, they now notice when I do my hair differently. It's a good feeling.
I am buying clothes off the rack, well it is still at Lane Bryant but usually shirts don't fit me. I have to buy online at Womanwithin.com and get bigger than usual sizes. Not any more.
Today I went to the doctor to do a med check. My BP was 104/56. It has NEVER been that low. So once again she reduced my BP meds. She wants to do it slowly so we can monitor my BP to make sure it doesn't start going up. In a month we should know if we can lower it again. It was cut in half today. She is so impressed with my progress. I am so grateful to her for telling me I need to lose the weight for my life. That it now was life or death. She suggested the lap band but clearly said for me to research it and research local surgeons but that she would not be part of the selection process. Once I have a doctor she will monitor my meds and anything they need her to do but she would be there 100% and she has been.
The lap band has been the best decision I ever made and regret not doing it sooner but I think this was just the right time to do it. I believe that is why I am successful.
Well, an update on my life with lap band.
I am still getting stuck almost daily. It isn't bad but at times I had to get hot cider or hot coffee and that relaxes everything and the food goes on through. Or I drink a hot drink before eating and that too takes care of it. I have decided that bread it not worth it. I don't even want to chance it anymore. I ate a hamburger last night from the grill without bread. It wasn't as satisfying but I was able to eat without getting stuck. Well worth it.
I view the getting stuck as a warning alert for me to slow down or choose something different to eat. It could end up being a positive thing. Before this last fill, I had no warnings at all. I could and did eat everything with no trouble. Bread, pasta, meat...no problems.

Well good things are happening and continue to happen. Life is good. I am good. What more could I ask for?

Stress is my enemy

Stress is the root of all evil. Well okay, not ALL evil but a good bunch of it. Stress causes breakouts, hair falling out, weight gain, weight loss and evidently causes food getting stuck.
I have had many episodes the last two weeks where my food got stuck. Some minor and one very horrible.

What have I learned? I can't get upset or be upset when eating. If I am stressed at all the food gets stuck but it is hot cider to the rescue.

TMI alert...I had to go shopping today for new bras. Come on ladies, you know it is important. With weight loss you know the 1st place you lose it is in the "girls". So I needed new bras. I get a smaller size but they were too small. I am like "huh?". I go back and get fitted and apparently my size is bigger than before. Again, "huh?" That makes no sense. Same band size, bigger cup. Now that makes no sense at all. So I wonder if I was wearing the wrong size all along? I just don't understand it.

I fixed a nice dinner tonight. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and salad. It went down just fine and was delicious!
My food today consisted of scrambled eggs w/laughing cow cheese for breakfast. Carne asado for lunch and the above for dinner. Drank Vitamin water zero Rise in between.

I had to buy new t-shirts today because my clothes are getting too dumpy. That was a little nerve wrecking. I tried on smaller clothes and they didn't fit. They were too small. Again with the "huh?" I just don't get it. I should be in smaller clothes so none of this makes sense. I am still wearing the same size as before. I do admit they fit better but it still doesn't make sense.

How can a 56lb loss not mean smaller clothes? 

Peace out......................................

The week in review, the ups and the downs

Well, it has been an interesting week band-speaking. It started Monday with a follow up visit and a fill. It was a small one at .5cc. Every thing was good. I had restriction. The bad. Each night I would get stuck eating dinner and each night it was a little worse than the night before. I was a little stuck each day at breakfast but that has always been that way. Lunch was never a problem. Before this week, neither was dinner.
Wednesday night I was working until 8pm like usual and got hungry around 7pm, so I fixed the food I brought for dinner. It got stuck. I paced, walked up and down the halls and finally had no choice since I was sliming, it had to come back up. I know this may sound gross but it wasn't throwing up. That comes from the pit of your stomach. Sliming for me usually results in expelling from the throat. It usually clears up what ever was stuck and I feel instantly better. Last night not so. I took one bite of dinner which was a bean burrito and it got stuck. Painfully stuck! Sliming began and well it got expelled. Over and over from 8:30pm until 2am. By that time it was stomach acid. I could even sip water. It got stuck. I called my doctor's office around midnight and was told I was probably too tight and to not eat or drink anything and call my doctor's office in the morning. Like I was going to try eating or drinking anything, seriously! Finally at 4 am I was able to lay down and go to sleep, only to wake up at 5am and start my day. YIPPEE!!
I called my doctor's office and they aren't in Louisville on Fridays so I would have to go to another city about an hour away. I opted to wait until Monday. The nurse, which is the one I usually see told me to sip hot liquids, as hot as I can stand, before meals. It will relax the esophagus. Apparently when food gets stuck, your esophagus spasms. Hot liquids relaxes that but cold or room temperature liquids causes it to restrict. So, I am on a hot liquid before meals diet this weekend and if no better by Monday I will call my doctor again. My nurse, Melissa, said there's a good chance it will pass and I won't need to get an unfill. Fingers crossed.
Now, back to this week. I didn't completely stick to my plan as far as eating home-cooked meals for lunch all week. I did every day except Thursday. I had a baked potato topped with grilled chicken, cheese, sour cream and a salad. I got the Picadilly's lunch that day. I had no problems eating that but dinner that night...well I already told you about that.

Some good news. I sifted through my clothes bin that I have with clothes that were too small but something I would wear if I could. I found a plain v-neck black t-shirt. I bought this about 2 years ago. Yes 2 years. I wore it once but it was so tight, I couldn't stretch it enough to wear comfortably so I never wore it again. This is why the shirt is still black like new, no fading. Looked brand new. I not only wore it yesterday but it was big on me. SO EXCITED!! It's like shopping in my own closet.

Well, that's it for this week. Just a recap really. I need to get past this set back and set my sights on next week and keeping to my plan.

Out with the Old, In with the New...well new-er

I have made many changes in my life lately, both physical and mental. Some of the changes are obvious to me and any one that is observant. Other changes are under the surface; ones that only I can "see", appreciate and understand.

This past 5 months, starting with my intake visit 2 months before surgery, has been one heck of a ride. So many choices to make and changes to oversee. Now, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate where I am in this journey. I feel I am starting to fall back into some old habits that could ultimately sabotage all my efforts. I have come too far to let that happen.

What changes has gone by the wayside? First is my "golden rule" to always bring my lunch to work. Picadilly's restaurant caters lunch twice a week for $5. That's a steal in today's economy. For instance, my favorite lunch was Thursday. It consisted of swiss steak(with gravy not tomato sauce), mashed potatoes w/gravy, glazed cararots, roll and salad bar. All for $5. I got it all and ate it all. No restriction at all that day. No feeling of being full. It was a little disturbing but the sad part was I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice until I was done and realized I had eaten it all! Then I was mad at myself. The guilt set in. When I first started this journey after surgery, I would have cut the swiss steak in half and halved all the other food and put it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge. I would limits myself to the just half. Not so anymore. I still bring my lunch most days. That particular day I didn't because I knew I was getting the swiss steak. I find I have stopped putting my servings or what I feel should be my servings in separate containers. I put it one big container and bring the whole thing. Well, no surprise I end up eating the whole thing. Not good. My once good habits are long gone. Time to get it back and get a reality check. It was a pain to put everything in small containers and it takes up a lot of room in the fridge so I got lazy and stopped doing it thinking I could still control my eating because of the band.
How wrong I was. I believe there is no way I am still in the "Green Zone" with how much I have been eating lately. I haven't lost anymore weight since I hit the 50lb mark. Thankfully I haven't gained but no loss. I have even been swelling a little while tells me I am getting too much sodium. I really need a fill. I am really hoping Monday they will give it to me but there is a chance they won't since I am not hungry between meals for anywhere between 4-6 hours. I just eat a lot more than the salad plate size portions.

New outlook coming up. I resolved today to get my habits in check again. I was doing so well, turning down lunch offers at work, turning down offers of cake and candy at work and now I am indulging in it all.

I have brought out some recipes and dusted them off. They are normally my fall/winter soup recipes however lately it has been butt-ass cold at work so I figure some hearty hot soup would hit the spot. I added them to my recipe collection. I think by far the heartiest is the vegetable-rice soup. There is so much going on in the soup that it is filling but yet it is vegetables so I will be hungry a lot sooner.

I am going to the grocery today to get food for me and I am sticking to plan this week. I also plan on declining the Picadilly's lunch service this week. I can't keep eating that way and expect to lose weight. Thankfully I haven't started drinking soft drinks again. If I did, I would be back at square one.

Here's hoping for the fill on Monday. Here's hoping I can stick to my plan.

Next is exercise or lack thereof. It is so easy to be lazy when you are being pulled in so many directions. I have stopped doing most anything. Not a good thing. I honestly hadn't noticed I had stopped until I was walking my daughter to the bus stop this week and was winded after only walking uphill past two houses. I shouldn't feel that way.

So goal number two is to get back into exercise mode. Wish me luck!

SEND ME YOUR RECIPES!!

CALLING ALL COOKS....I AM LOOKING FOR NEW RECIPES THAT ARE BAND FRIENDLY AND/OR JUST PLAIN EASY AND DELICIOUSLY LOW FAT/CALORIES. SEND ME AN EMAIL OR POST AS A COMMENT TO THIS POSTING. I WILL COMPILE A NEW RECIPE LIST FROM ALL YOUR INPUT!!

This has been a rough week or two

I have truly been struggling this week. I am glad to know I go for a fill on the 23rd, I had thought it was on the 26th. I am hoping I get a fill this time. I'm not hungry between meals but I can eat a  lot at each meal. Much more than a salad size plate. I have put on about 5 lbs this week and have swelling in legs. I can only figure it is due to eating out more often this past few weeks which I know I shouldn't do. I eat breakfast between 7:30 and 8:30. I eat lunch between 12:30-1:30 and am not hungry between meals. I usually don't eat dinner until I get home at 8:30 or if I am starving I will eat something around 7pm. My times are good its just I am eating too much at one time or too fattening foods. I don't know, I will. have keep an eye on that
I have been taking my lunch each day to work but the weekends are killing me. It is way easier to grab something quick then to sit down and eat a good meal at home. I just hope this doesn't set me back too far. I should be happy that this is the first real set back I have had so far. Not too bad I guess but I hate to see my 50 lbs loss go away. It was a milestone for me. It is a little depressing I must say.

I am also dealing with my boss being on vacation this week, a new team leader who is supposed to be helping me, I am team leader too, but it's not enough help. He's new at it I know but he needs to step it up more. To top it off, co-workers think I am on a powertrip because I scrutinize their work. I can't put my approval on it if it is wrong and if I do then I am held accountable . It's not personal, it's my job.
Then the icing on the cake is that my kids go back to school today. My youngest son is starting middle school today, 6th grade, and my youngest daughter is starting 1st grade today. It's a little sad but don't get me wrong, I am fine with the kiddies being in school. It means I get my Friday off days back to myself. It has been a long summer working four 10hr days and not having that Friday to myself to unwind. I look forward to this Friday. It will be all about me. I think I will take in a movie by myself.

So in this post, I have gone from self pity to self worth. What a rollercoaster ride!

WHAT DOES 50 LBS LOOK LIKE?

A 6 yr old, 10 5lb bags of sugar, 2 sacks of potatoes, a beagle dog AND the weight that I have lost.

 I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 50 LBS AS OF TODAY!

This is a milestone I never thought I would see. This is a milestone I wasn't sure even existed for me. I have tried so many times over the years to lose weight. I have never in my lifetime lost 50 lbs at one time or even within a years time, even two years time. I am trying to digest my accomplishment. I see the changes, yet I don't. Does that even make sense? I see physical changes and I see mental changes. I am more active. I have a better opinion of myself but that is still a work in progress. I definitely feel more confident. I can look in the mirror or my reflection in the windows I am walking by and I no longer cringe.
Yes I am still large and overweight but I am a slimmer overweight. Instead of needing to lose OVER 100 lbs I now need to lose less than 100 lbs. I've never said that before.
I have a new outlook on life. The best part is the band is an integral part of my life. So integral that I don't really think band first anymore. I mean is it possible that 2 1/2 months post op that I am so used to my band? There are days that I totally forget, including the way I eat and get a chilling remiinder in the way of getting stuck and/or close to sliming. That's okay. I will take that. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE!!

As a final note...Krispy Kreme here in Louisville Ky has doughnut sundaes. Yes you read it right. Doughnut sundaes. OMG...Fabulous!!! It starts with a hot glazed doughnut topped with a mound of soft serve ice cream and drizzled with chocolate sauce. I ate the whole thing and nothing got stuck. I take that as a sign I was allowed to have it. I say this because as I am typing I am eating BBQ chicken. I cooked boneless chicken breasts in the crockpot all day. Drained, shredded and added Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. It got stuck. Chicken did! Doughnut did not.

Peace out.....................

GODDESS

Yeah, you know I am...now. Well, okay maybe not really but there is a point to this madness. Monday I went shopping at a consignment shop. Okay, so it was a plus size consignment shop. They really do have them. There wasn't a huge selection and not particularly stylish. I tried on a shirt and it was skin tight. Depressing. I found these "Goddess" jeans. New with the tag on. They were a couple of sizes smaller than the last pants I bought, pre surgery days. I knew that all my capri jeans were getting baggy. Some to the point, that I have to keep hiking them up during the day. So, I thought I will try these that are one size smaller. They were tight. I could button them because they had some stretch to them but they were pretty tight. Well, I bought them anyway. I WILL get into those capri jeans. I am predicting by the end of this month they will be on me. Ok, actually I am hoping by the end of this month. Something to work towards. A goal. A reward. I'm not focusing on the scale but the comfort of my pants.
I plan on taking all my clothes that are too big and taking the fall clothes up there for consignment. Mine are WAY more stylish then the grandma clothes they had in there. Even for big girl clothes.
I forgot to get on the scale this morning. I know, crazy isn't it. I haven't been focusing on my weight this week. Work has been kicking my butt so I have been focusing my attention on that. Tomorrow morning I will get on it and see how I did.
Check back soon for my pics which may be on here by the time you read this. Before and After.

Re-thinking this whole Not needing a fill

I feel so guilty about how much I am eating. I don't see the scale moving down either. It seems to be stuck. I know my doc's office said I should eat a salad plate size but I feel it's too much and I could eat more. Like last night, when I did.
Ok it was my 40th birthday yesterday and all I kept thinking about was my doctor telling me that once you hit 40 the weight loss starts to slow down and it is harder to get the weight off. I am thinking this as I am devouring my birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse. My hubby took me out to eat and while I appreciate the sentiment, eating out is not exactly high on my priority list anymore. Oh it used to be, just not now.
He had me order the 12 oz rib eye, which I love, so he would eat what was left over. I also had loaded mashed potatoes and a salad. Along with my Jamaican Cowboy to drink. I drank all of it. In case you didn't know, rib eye's usually come with a "tail". It is this wrap-around piece that is very tender and juicy. I ate all of the tail and left the mail part of the steak for him. I had I would guesstimate about 4 oz. First though I ate most of the salad because they bring that first. It had cheese and eggs on it and the BEST ranch dressing. I also had loaded mashed potatoes and ate most of that. I felt filled to the gills and SUPER guilty! Now granted that was pretty much all I had yesterday other than the grazing I did because I was just too lazy to actually fix myself a meal so I just snacked all day. It was a bad day all around. I broke my routine and that is habit I don't want to get into again.
I think I have actually gained 2 lbs this week. I was bloated last week when I went to the doctor. By Wednesday my scale was showing a 2 lb loss after the bloating was gone. Now my scale is back up the 2 lbs.
I even got on the recumbent bike yesterday. TMI ALERT...note to self...DO NOT eat bean dip and then think you ride on a bike without consequences. Let's just say the beans kicked in and then kicked my ass. I barely made 5 minutes before the motion of pedaling worked everything loose. I couldn't get back on the bike the rest of the day.
I guess I need to make today a new day and start getting back on track. Planning some meals, make sure I have plenty of food on hand each day to choose from. I still have to make it through one more birthday lunch with my mom tomorrow and then I will be good. Then it will be back to work,again.
Speaking of work, Friday I ordered lunch from O'Charleys and ate a 1/2 club sandwich and a bowl of loaded potato soup. I ate the whole thing and didn't feel the least bit full. I then ate chips. I NEVER eat chips just to be eating them. Maybe too much sodium? Let's hope that is what was wrong. I need to stop eating out because it is killing my efforts.
Ok so back to my birthday...
I got a cool gift that I really love. My hubby had bought me a ZUNE 4GB a few years ago at a silent auction. It was the largest memory one I had ever had and it played videos. I didn't use the memory up ever. All of a sudden these past few months I finally did and wanted a larger one. I of course always mention to my oldest son what gifts I want and he relays them to my DH. They got it right this time. I got a ZUNE 32GB. LOVE IT! It is touch screen and has wireless Internet. I had thought I wanted and IPOD but realized that with IPOD I would have to buy their songs only. I couldn't just download from the CDs I had or downloads I had. With ZUNE you can use anything so it is a much better choice and less expensive in the long run when it comes to downloads. I highly recommend it. I have had no problems with it whatsoever. The 4GB has a really small screen but the larger one is so worth the extra dough and has a nice large screen. I also got the Percy Jackson movie and Gabriel Iglesias aka Mr. Fluffy dvd. A few of my co-workers gave me a Vera Bradley sticky note cube and my boss gave me a gift card and some office supplies. One of my buddies at work drew my name for birthdays. We had 3 this week. First we had Dairy Queen ice cream cake, then a giant cookie so for mine, she knew I didn't really eat sweets and we had a lot already so she made layered taco dip. I was thrilled with that. Plenty of protein. She said she researched the protein content of it. AND my DH sent me carnations to work. That was about it. Oh and I got a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake with gold medal ribbon ice cream in it. YUM! I will be having that as a treat. So my 40th birthday is over and I am on the ride downhill. We will see how that goes. My knee has been hurting for the past few days. It stopped after I took my Vitamin D and then started up again. We will see since I take it again tomorrow.

Follow up visit today. Lost another 8.5 lbs. Total Loss 45.5 lbs

I had my follow up visit today. Good news, I am down 8.5 lbs since my last visit 3 weeks ago. My BP was 108/72. The best ever!
I didn't need a fill today. I was feeling guilty during vacation because I had no problem eating a salad-size plate of food. Turns out that is exactly what I should be eating. Somewhere along the way I forgot that and have been eating much less. I am in what they call the green zone and didn't know it. I can eat a salad-size plate of food and not be hungry for 5-6 hours. Right where I need to be and the fact that I was on vacation during those 3 weeks and I am bloated right now means I exceed the amount of weight each week I should lose. Remember Bandsters should lose about 2 lbs a week. So no fill today. I go back in a month to see how this is working for me. She said that's not to say I won't need a fill in a month after I have lost more weight.
Now the bad news, yeah you know it's coming. I hadn't gotten my lap results from a month ago so I asked about them. Apparently, the lab didn't send them. They pulled the results and reviewed them. She called me back to talk to her for a minute. She said she knew why my knee and joints were hurting. I am potassium and Vitamin D deficient. Severely Vitamin D deficient. It should be "30" and mine was "8". I now have to take prescriptions for both. But those deficiencies cause my achiness, joint and knee pain. Here's hoping I feel better soon.
On to other news, I got a Nordic Track recumbent stationary bike this weekend. I have used it twice already. I really like it. My knees and hips don't hurt when I use it. Granted I can only do about 3 min but I am working on it.
I also bought a pair of Avi Motion shoes by AVIA. They are similar to Sketchers Shape-ups. I tried the Sketchers and they were stiff like my regular Sketchers which hurts my feet. I have worn the AVIAs two days now for about 10 hours each day. I walked the malls yesterday and had a lot of running to do today including the grocery. No problems. This morning I work up and my calves and lower butt cheeks were a little achy but now I don't know if that is from the shoes workout or my vitamin deficiencies. The jury is still out. I will have to let you know.
Tomorrow I go back to work. My vacation is sadly over. I had planned on wearing my new workout shoes to work but we have to wear business casual Tuesday thru Thurs. Hopefully I get to wear them Friday and let you know how I did wearing them 10 hrs at work.

Another measure of success

As I said before I don't measure my success by the fit of my clothes or even the scale, ok the scale maybe. I had a new "measuring" experience yesterday and it is one I had not thought of until I was on my way there. I am a procrastinator when it comes to getting my hair done. I know, crazy right? I have not had my hair cut or colored since March. I let my hair grow and my color fade until when I look into the mirror, the first thing I notice is the gray then it is time to get my hair cut and colored. Hey, it's my system and when I pay $100 for a cut and color then I figure it evens out.
So, I came back from vacation and well ALL I saw was gray hair. I went in yesterday for my standard cut/color with my favorite stylist, Amy @ Salon Delonjay. She is fabulous!! Anyway, they have you put on a black "coloring jacket". Well they are one size fits all but it never fits me. It is tight in the arms and I can't wrap it around me at all. So my solution so it is not so noticeable to the other ladies there? I wear a black shirt that is 3/4 sleeves so it blends in and looks like it fits. Crazy isn't it? Well I wore my usual black top yesterday more out of habit than anything. Of course, I rationalized it by telling myself I wear black that way if any color happens to get on it, it won't show. Yeah right!
Anyway, I get there and put on the jacket and you know what? The sleeves were too big for me. I could pull the front almost all the way together. YEAH VICTORY! I figure by the time I drag my butt into there for another cut/color it will fit just fine. Oh and by the way, My hair looks FABULOUS!!
These little accomplishments are the ultimate motivation tips. Take time to notice the little differences the weight loss makes. I feel so much better about myself when I do. Even when I look in the mirror and I don't really see a difference and no one ever says they see a difference, other than my mom and let's face it, she is biased anyway. LOL! These little differences are actually huge in my book because they are things that I take notice of each and every time I do them. It's like a little pick me up.

Rough patch & measuring success by the bathroom, no really!

Ok, so I have been on vacation out of town for a week. This has been a very difficult Lap Band week. I usually do not have problems eating but this week...HORRIBLE! Food gets stuck everytime and I don't know why. I mean, I have some ideas but still...
It seems, for me anyway, if I wait too long between meals my throat closes up and everything gets stuck but not at first. No, it waits until I am part way through the meal and then BAM!
(TMI ALERT)
 It got so bad at one restaurant that I had sliming going on and had to rush to the bathroom. Once inside, apparantly a little girl had gotten sick ALL OVER the bathroom floor and cans. I covered my mouth with the napkin I was so graciously holding because I wasn't sure I would make it to the bathroom. After everyone cleared the bathroom, it came up. Not a lot and it wasn't from my stomach pit either just in my throat. I felt instantly better. I went back to the table and sat down. I took a sip of water and BAM! It hit me again. This time it was PAINFUL. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest and twisting the knife. I have never had that before. I made my way to the bathroom once again. I am sure the poeple sitting by the bathroom thought I was purging my meal. They looked at me funny. Anyway, the bathroom still not cleaned, ewww, and it was packed. No dice for me. I went back to my table and contemplated going to the car to heave ho. Then all of a sudden, it was gone. All the pain, the stuck feeling. I had three bites of mashed potatoes and one bite of fish. I was done but still OH SO HUNGRY!! I just couldn't risk it again. Now everything gets stuck. I think it is because I waited so long between meals and then when I ate I was starved and probably ate too fast in addition to my throat being tight. Not a good combination. But think about it, don't we all eat like ravenous pigs when we haven't eaten in a long while? It is something we should all remember, band or otherwise, don't wait so long between meals.

Now...measuring success. I don't have very many ask me how I am doing or how much weight I have lost. A few have asked "Do you notice any difference in your clothes?". The answer is: not really. I notice the difference in the bathroom stall. Yes that is right, the bathroom stall. See, at work we have 5 stalls. They begin very narrow and progress to what we call the luxury suite. A very large and spacious sought after piece of real estate in the bathroom at work. I always went for stalls 3-5 because they were the biggest. The 1st few stalls were too narrow. I would have to turn sideways, suck in my stomach and step back behind the toilet to just close the door. Then I bumped everything in there. The other day I had no choice but the 1st, most narrow stall. UGH! Imagine my surprise when I stepped right in without turning sideways or stepping behind the toilet. to close the door. I stepped in and closed it up. I didn't bump a single thing. VICTORY!!
So now when someone asks me do I notice a difference in my clothes, my answer will be "No, but the bathroom fits me just fine now."

What a stressful week

This week has been so stressful. It seems like it lasted forever and I didn't get a whole lot accomplished. I was in training all week. It was more of a refresher course for my position. We had a schedule to follow and guess what? It does not follow my eating schedule. Needless to say, at times my stomach made very loud and rude comments all on its own. I often wondered if people could hear my stomach and now I know. YES THEY DO~~very embarrassing.
I had to be at work earlier than usual all week and I had to work on Friday which is my off day so I was all out of sorts. I made the cardinal mistake. I didn't prepare my food for the week. I had my waters and a snack or two but for the most part,but, I didn't take my food like I normally do. Boy did I pay for that!
Not only was my stomach really pissed off but I didn't feel good most of the week. I would run late every morning because of the time change at work and I wouldn't have time to put together a lunch and in the evenings I was supposed to get off early but because I was in training I was behind on my work so I stayed late to try and catch up. By the time I got home I was done for the day. More than done!
Vacation trip is coming soon so I am preparing now for it. A long car trip and my stomach makes for a bad time. A cooler will definitely come in handy this time. Now during the day at the beach, that will be something. We have a room with a kitchen so I have that going for me. Staying on track and hydrated are my number one priorities aside from just having fun!

Motivational tip #9
Visualize, Visualize, Visualize. Picture yourself where you want to be at the end of this journey. Picture how you see yourself. But please be realistic. If you were NEVER bean pole skinny, why think you will get that way? At least you won't and be healthy. Everyone has their weight limit. It is where your body says I can't go any lower and still function right so make sure you aren't setting those sights too high. But seeing your "after" picture is a great motivation. I have a friend at work. We call ourselves Twitches. Twin/witches cause we are just plain mean. Just kidding. Anyway, she is thin and is constantly saying her butt is too big or something. Yeah whatever...skinny twitch! I tell her often that just one of my thighs is wider than her entire body. I call her my "after" picture. Now I know I won't get that thin. Heck in high school I was never that thin but I know I can look just as good at whatever weight is right for me. Who knows, maybe I will even look better than her! Oh the possibilities...

Suck it up Buttercup

You know how when you are overweight and your legs, knees or back hurts and they tell you to lose some weight? Well guess what, that doesn't always work. I have lost a good amount of weight so far and you know what? My knee is killing me!! It hurts worse than ever before.
So I make an appointment with my regular doctor. We do the meds check while I am there and she checks my at-home BP machine and deems it accurate. We discuss my meds and how we are going to start getting me off them once my BP hits a certain level. Then on to my knee.
I have had what I call flare ups for years in my knees and my hips. This time, my knee hurt on the front below the kneecap. I can't even walk down stairs without it giving out. She did x-rays and said that I have arthritis in my knee. The cartilage is worn away on the right side of my left knee. What can I do? Not much. Walking is a no no. Treadmill, definitely out. She said walking is the worst because of the pounding your knee takes. She suggested a stationary bike and exercising in a pool. Well stationary bikes are okay but I prefer the recumbent bike. It feels better on my back. No luck with the pool. She said I can take 600 mg of children's liquid Advil 3-4 times a day. Okay so what pharmacist is not going to think I am mixing something up in my garage when I go in there and buy several bottles of children's Advil?
When my knee feels better I can use my elliptical. Kind of sucks. I will be 40 yrs old at the end of month and now I am arthritic. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Motivational Tip#8
Keep it moving. Get those aches and pains checked out right away. It's hard to stay motivated if you hurt. It's worse to find out that you wasted too much time and now the damage is done. I wonder, had I lost weight sooner would my knee be so arthritic now? The world may never know.

Another doctor visit & a visit with the nutritionist

Well, it has been 3 weeks since my last fill. I went in on Thursday for a check up and fill. My 10cc band now has 4.5cc in it. She said I will probably need about two more tweaks. My BP was great. 112/72. I am still on my BP meds but hope to change that soon when I visit my regular doctor.

Now the important news, as of Thursday I am down 37.5lbs officially! I was retaining fluid this week so as expected when I weighed today I had lost a lot more. My scale weighs more than the doctor's which is good in my opinion. My swelling was gone so I weighed this morning and I was down a total of 41.5 lbs. I will take it either way. It's exciting so far that I have not gained anything back. It is a miracle in my book. I am still keeping in mind that while I would love to continue to lose weight each week, there is most probably going to be times that I either don't lose or possibly gain. It can happen. That's okay too. That is life and I must deal with those hurdles as they come. But in the mean time, I am very excited for what I have done so far. I have to say it is not a struggle at all. Which is not to say it wasn't before. I have learned a lot of lessons along the way to get where I am. I hardly know the band is there unless food gets stuck. I listen to my stomach and when I get the slightest feeling of being full I stop. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have tried to push it a little farther and believe me, my band suddenly makes itself known and I am miserable. I have also learned to not eat more than what I put on my plate( sometimes not even that much) and I always use a small salad size plate. I never go back for seconds. I know in my head that if a little later I am hungry again, I can get more if I want it. Turns out I usually don't want anymore.
Learn to listen to your stomach and your hunger even if you haven't had the band surgery. If you have the stuffed bloated feeling then you have eaten way too much. You should never feel full, you should feel satisfied and learning just what that feeling is, is the hardest part. Once you learn that though, it is easy from there. My Band can't teach me that. It has nothing to do with that. The Band gives me consequences if I overeat but it can't teach me when my hunger is satisfied.
Eating should be an event, not something you do quickly to get it over with. I have to sit down and actually take time to eat and eat slowly. I have a lot "listening" to do and I can't do that if I am eating on the run.

Well, my meeting with the nutritionist was interesting. I am making good choices, however, in my quest to reduce carbs I have reduced them too much. She said I need to up my calcium and breads. I don't eat bread because it gets stuck but she suggested the deli thin sandwich bread or thin bread and slightly toast it for a sandwich. She said I also need more calcium like milk. I find it impossible to just drink a glass of milk. I can't drink while eating so that to me is gross to drink milk by itself. A few things to work on, I guess. The most interesting thing she told me was about eggs and egg beaters. The American Heart Association now says we can have up to 4 whole eggs a week. The problem with cholesterol is not in natural cholesterol because our bodies know what to do with natural cholesterol, it is in saturated fats that we have problems and should avoid those. Good news because I love eggs. I told her I was eating egg beaters. She quoted a lot of medical journals and research on this as well as the whole eggs. She said in other countries the yellow coloring in egg beaters is considered a carcinogen. EWWW!! Plus in addition, as if that wasn't bad enough, we are paying high dollar for the container and packaging which is harmful to the environment. Make sense.
We discussed cheese because, well, I LOVE CHEESE. She is a fan of laughing cow light cheese. She also suggested Kaukauna lite cheese. I am putting that on my list. She also suggested the book "Eat this not that". Now she doesn't recommend the diet itself because in reality most of what is in there even in the "eat this" category is not the best but the book gets you thinking about the differences and the choices out there to make.

We discussed what and how I eat and she said I was an inspiration and prime example of how to do this right. It made me feel good. So, my carrying my lunch cooler with me is a great idea and keeps me going strong. What once would have been temptations because I didn't bring food with me is now a choice because I have food with me and it really feels good to say "No thank you, I brought my lunch."

Motivation Tip#7
Celebrate the small accomplishments. Those small accomplishments add up to large hurdles crossed. Celebrate all of it because you deserve it. Whether it is a new outfit or accessory or just getting a scoop of real ice cream. It is your day to shine so enjoy it!!

Daily Stress

Every day has stress and obstacles. It is so easy to absentmindly reach for a candy bar or a bag of chips when we are stressed or upset or preoccupied. Keeping on track is harder each and every day.
They say that it takes 21 days of doing something over and over for it to become a habit but how long does it really take to undo a lifetime of doing things over and over? I suspect it is more than 21 days. Take each day as it comes. Face each obstacle head on and don't give up or give in.
Make a list of bad habits that you would like to change. Nothing major, just small ones at first. Then, pick one and decide what the change will be. Start on that immediately with the mindset that if you do slide you won't give up or say "there's always tomorrow". One slip up or even two does not make you a failure.
I chose giving up soft drinks as my first change. I am now soft drink free and I really have no desire for it. Occassionally I think I bet that tastes good but I no longer have an overwhelming desire for a Coke or Big Red. I, dare I say it, ask for ice water only when we eat out. That is something I would have NEVER done in a million years.
My next goal was to bring my lunch to work daily. I cut my eating out way down. Now eating out is a treat, which is the way it should be. It feels good to say, no thank you I brought my lunch.
I am still working on small goals because in the long run, those small goals add up. In this case up to 36.5lbs of weight loss.

Motivation Tip #6
Friends. Yeah, I am not much of a friends person. Actually, I really don't have any. I have had a lifetime of so called friends who turned on me and I was always loyal to the friendship. So that is my new goal. Work on friendships. You need people to share with that are understanding.

Long time no blog

Life gets in the way and there you have it. Isn't that the truth now-a-days? We have so much going on that we forget to take care of ourselves. I've had some swelling on my legs this week. Again, most likely too much sodium and/or not enough water intake. I am having a hard time getting enough fluids. I only drink Vitamin Water Zero and I only drink about 40 oz a day if that. Some days much less and that is usually when my legs and feet swell. Funny how before when I was drinking soft drinks I had no problem drinking 120 oz of soft drinks or more a day!!

So, I guess my topic today is water. I hate the stuff. Yep, can't help it but I just can't stand plain water. The taste or lack there of  just makes me gag. This is why I prefer flavored water but I don't use anything with aspartame in it. I prefer Stevia which is in Vitamin Water Zero. I also am careful about sodium in the water. There just shouldn't be. I know a lot of people that like to drink Propel but that has sodium in it and really isn't meant for daily intake unless you are exercising or sweating of some sort.

Getting water in daily helps to flush excess fluids out. Weird sounding, I know, but that is what the doctor's tell us. It helps to flush out waste and keep our body and skin hydrated. Increasin your water will also help with loose skin as you lose weight. A lot of times skin will hang if you don't get enough fluids. So, in a nutshell...HYDRATE HYDRATE HYDRATE

Motivational tip #5  Give yourself a break. Don't be so hard on yourself that you end up sabotaging yourself. While I don't agree with well I screwed up that meal, there is always tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up over it but definitely don't wait until tomorrow to get back on track. So you had a "bad" meal. One meal isn't detrimental to all your efforts. Just continue on with your day but stay on track. Waiting until tomorrow to start new just puts off what you need to do. Eventually you say well this week is shot, I'll just start my diet again next week and so on.