Friday, March 23, 2012


Good News...My restriction is holding strong. Bad News...No weight lost. I don't understand it. I am keeping close track of all intake. I have tried mixing it up. No overeating. No bingeing. No snacking needlessly. I just don't get it.

I am still swollen. My legs, ankles and feet. This could be why the scale is not budging. I just don't know. I started using again. There is an app for my phone. I haven't used it about a year and a half. I keep track of everything I eat. So far I am staying just under 1280 calories. My surgeon said I should be eating between 1200 and 1800 calories a day and 80-120g of protein per day. I am eating about 1/2 a serving. Like a hamburger patty. I can eat half of a small one. On a good day I might get 3/4 of it down. Crazy. But I am not complaining because I have restriction. Something will eventually click.

Well, NSV is I bought a skirt. Yep. I know nothing major right? Well, I haven't worn a skirt/dress in about 15 years. Yes I said 15 years. I saw this cute skirt at Old Navy and bought it. Now, will I wear it? I think so if I can get this swelling down. I don't want to be showing my legs/ankles/feet that are puffy.

Ok, the results of my doctor visit. I had a reason to be concerned. I didn't hear anything until Monday when I had a message to call and make a follow up appointment as soon as possible.I called and they scheduled it for the next morning at 8:45am. They didn't know why I was asked to make the appointment.  I nearly threw up and didn't sleep Monday night. I went and she walks in and started immediately. She found 4 things on the ultrasound. The cyst, no worry as it is fluid filled not solid. A fibroid tumor. No shocker there and it is small. The next is adenomyosis. It is like the reversal of endometriosis. I won't go into details but it's not good and not much I can do about it except a hysterectomy. The last is what concerns her. I have two polyps in my uterus. She said 2% are cancerous on pre-menopausal women. Choices? Wait and re-test, remove the polyps and test them but if they are cancerous then the 3rd option is full hysterectomy would take care of all four. She feels comfortable waiting 8 weeks and doing another ultrasound and if nothing changes then again every 6 months. If it changes then we will look at surgery. I chose the waiting. Simply because I have a blood disorder which makes surgery risky, more so than usual. Mammogram came back normal, as in no changes from last year which was not a good scan. Still waiting on the last test. Hoping for good news.

Tomorrow is another day. Bring it...

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Fat Cometh, Restriction Taketh Away

As I last reported, I got a tiny fill last Monday. On Wednesday, it seems my restriction finally kicked in. At this point and time, I can only eat about 1/4c - 3/4c depending on how solid the protein is. Right now I am down 5 lbs. I am stoked but cautiously. I know the restriction could leave at any moment. I am enjoying it while I can.

Now, I have had a stressful week. Thursday I went to the doctor for my annual exam & mammogram. Yes Ladies, get that checked out each year. You never know. Last year I had my 1st mammogram since I was now 40. They found many cysts. Everything checked out okay after several more mammograms and an ultrasound. I could not feel the lumps at all. Two weeks later, I suddenly had a LARGE lump on my breast that I could feel and see it bulging and it was painful. I had it drained and fortunately it was benign. Scary stuff. Well this year I don't have my mammogram results yet. My doctor ordered an ultrasound of my ovaries because of problems I have been having. The ultrasound showed a cyst on one of my ovaries. The tech said I would hear from the doctor after she has had a chance to look at it. I haven't heard anything yet. A little nervous even though these are almost always benign. The waiting is the hard part.

So to end the week, restriction and waiting. After last year I am more than stressed about the waiting part.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Losing sad

I just realized that my follower count is going down. That is disheartening that I am losing "friends" not surprised though but still bummed about it.

Things are just Swell...well swelling actually

My swelling, edema, is getting worse. I have dealt with this for many years but when I lost a chunk of weight the swelling was mostly gone. Even in hot humid weather I wasn't swelling up. Now for the last few months I have been swelling. I has been so bad my shoes won't fit. My pant legs are too tight because my legs are swollen. It is pitting edema. Meaning I can press down on the swollen area and there is an indention that remains. It's times like these I would have my lasix on hand and take but no my doctor took me off that saying I no longer needed it. Really? I beg to differ. Increasing my water intake doesn't help. I hardly pee, TMI, and they have checked my kidneys. No problems there. I elevate my feet. Doesn't help. I have shortness of breath with comes with the swelling. I get winded walking across the parking lot at work or walking up the steps at home.

I go to my GYN today, yep ladies, it is that fun time of year again. I get violated and smashed. All perfectly legal and my insurance pays for it. I am hoping she can help with the swelling. I have APS so swelling is not a good thing.

I have some restriction now. I don't know how long it will last though. Last night I made chicken stroganoff in the crockpot. Good stuff. Chicken was crazy tender and moist. I had maybe 3-4 small bites and was stuck. Not uncomfortable stuck just stuck. I thought at the time, wow, haven't felt that in a while. Well, the stuck feeling didn't go away. I got up and walked around. Nothing. I started burping, usually that will "break it free". Nada. It progressed and it led to the bathroom. Now in the past, it would just kind of pop out, no drama, out and done. Not so this time. This was gut wrenching, nausea and heaving like I had the stomach bug type of getting sick. I made some super hot cappuccino and sipped on that. Everything calmed down but dang I was hungry. I waited about 3 hours to try and eat something. I had this bloemer's bbq shredded beef. It was more than shredded, it was pulverized beef so I took about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of that heated it and spooned it on top of a wedge of laughing cow. I was able to eat that and keep it down. I have 5.9cc in my band which is still less than I had before that fateful fill in December. I hope I find my happy place soon.

This morning my eggs and laughing cow went down okay. No problems. We shall see what today brings.

I also got on the scale this morning. Last night when I went to bed it was the same weight it has been for that last month. That scale has not budged an inch and I had a bad swelling day yesterday. So it gets me thinking that if I can get this water off I would weigh a few pounds less. Duh. Well this morning for the first time I was down a few pounds. Lately what I weighed when I went to bed I weighed the same if not a pound or two more in the morning. This is not helping the mental game my head is playing wth me. And yes I weigh myself twice a day. Once in the morning and once before bed. Why? The swelling. It became a habit. I swelled so much that on the lasix I would get up so much at night that in the morning I would be down 10 lbs of water weight. Yes I gained 10 lbs a day in swelling. I would take the lasix at night because it worked best at night but the drawback I was up and down all night. When I lost a chunk of weight it was hardly a problem. Now I have gained after my unfill in December and am up about 21 lbs right now and the swelling is back. It is an old friend that I have not missed and frankly cankles do not look good with capri pants and with the 80 degree weather I don't want to wear long pants to hide my swelling.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Got my fill...

Not much to say about that. I only got .5cc. Disappointing. I can't eat 2 hrs before a fill. I ate at noon. I had leftover rosemary ranch chicken kabob and baked beans. All protein.  By 2:30 at my appointment, my stomach was rumbling. This is the way it is daily. I am hungry after only a few hours. I don't see how .5cc is going to do anything about that. I am bummed. I now have 5.9cc in my band.

I guess the silver lining was, if you can call it that, I didn't gain anything. I didn't lose either. Again bummed about not losing. UGH!!!

Well nothing to do but keep going on I guess.  I would hope at some point I would get some decent restriction or any restriction at all would be nice. To top it off she said to come back in 6 weeks. Are you kidding me?? She said to only come back sooner IF I am in the red zone. Really? I don't think so. If I am still not losing and still hungry after 3 1/2 weeks, I will be making an appointment for the 4th week.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

restriction, oh where did you go??

It's gone. No more restriction, not that I had much to begin with. I have an appointment tomorrow to get another fill, IF they give me one. I am seeing the same person who isn't very good at finding my port. I finally found someone that could fill my band in a minute and found out she is no longer with the doctor's office.

I hope and hope I get a fill but if I do I know it will be a small one. This person won't give a large fill.

Here's the stats since my last fill...NOTHING. I didn't not lose a pound. I actually think I gained. I have to admit, this REALLY SUCKS!!! But it is part of the journey, at least my journey for now.

The truth is I am bummed. I can't and won't deny it. I have tried keeping track of my intake and that doesn't seem to make a difference. I am eating three meals and smaller portions. Still I am swollen daily. No loss. I even weigh more in the morning than I did when I went to bed the night before. I just don't get it. Something is causing it. I don't drink a lot, certainly not as much as I should. Could that be it? I don't think so because I am not drinking any less than I did when I was losing weight. I keep my sodium intake low. It is frustrating to say the least.

I bring my lunch daily now. I have my snacks. I don't know what else to do. Why did I lose weight consistently for over a year and a half to suddenly I can't lose a single pound even though I have 5.4cc in my band?

A total mystery to me.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Nothing has changed

Well it has been a few weeks since my fill and nothing has changed on the scale. I haven't lost a pound. I have some restriction. I have been keeping a journal of my eating and keeping track of calories fat and protein so I can have a visual. No budge on the scale. I just don't get it. Can it get any more depressing??

I didn't have any trouble up until December. Now nothing is going right for me. I feel like a failure and I am in this depressing slump. I have had emails from people telling me to quit being so pathetic. Really? This is my blog and I keep it real. Period!! I am not going to sugar coat it and pretend things are great if they aren't.

And things are not great right now. I don't regret my surgery at all. I know this is a bump in the road that I will have to get through somehow. The somehow is the hard part. I just don't know what to do.

I know one thing for certain, my boycott of eating out didn't last long. I rode along with my friend and brought my lunch but my restriction isn't much so I started eating out again even though I had my lunch with me. I just can't wrap my mind back where I need to be.

My desk was moved at work. I am now at the other end of the building from my friend so I won't be visiting her much. I am hoping this will give me the nudge I need to stay clear of it. Maybe if I don't ride with her at all except maybe once a week and eat out that day with her, that will work. This is all that I can think of that is causing me to not lose any weight. I haven't lost a pound. I am hovering at the same weight which is good in some respects and is better than gaining but depressing none the less. I keep a daily journal of my food intake, protein and such. So this has to be it. I feel swollen all the time. I guess I need to look at the sodium intake as well as fluid intake. I hardly drink at all. I probably only get about 40 oz of fluid a day if that. When I first had surgery, I was so strong. I brought my food daily, never ate out. Now I don't have that same resolve. Is it because I left my position I had held for many years to something new? Is it because there is no one where I am at now, that knows I had surgery so no one can hold me accountable? Everyone around me knew at my last position. I feel like I can't fix something if I don't know what is causing it.

I went to Trader Joe's. There are some interesting items there. Different things. I love the hard boiled eggs. So convenient. I eat them as is, make deviled eggs one at a time, slice on a salad or make egg salad. They don't have that sulphur smell so great to take to work. I also got turkey meatloaf muffins. Small portions topped with spinach and mashed potatoes. The turkey muffins have 13g protein. I haven't tried them yet but will let you know. You just pop them in the microwave. I also bought spicy Thai chicken pasta salad. 1/2 of the container is 14g of protein. Again haven't tried it yet but will report later.

I just wish I had the support I need here in town. I have done this alone for so long that now that I need help and support I can't find it.