Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hairloss Update

Good news in the week since my last post. My widening part has begun to fill back in. I am hoping this is a permanent change for the good. I am taking the Biotin daily at 5000 mcg. It doesn't help stop hair loss but mine has slowed down somewhat. It's still coming out but not in the handfuls it was before. My hair is looking healthier everyday. 

So I found more "smaller" clothes. The jeans have a bit of spandex (stretch) in them and while they are snug when I put them on, by the end of the day I am pulling them up constantly. What's up with that?? I am hoping I can shrink them so when they stretch out they won't be so big. Of course, everyone knows when you want to shrink something it won't.

I also found a couple of shirts. One is a little big but I think I can get a few wears out of it. It's kind of fun to see clothes I haven't worn in years, yes years, that now fit me again. I only kept the clothes that had a universal look that wouldn't go out of style. It saves me money too. With Christmas coming up I need to save money where I can.

I went to Paula Deen's buffet at Horseshoe Casino Saturday night. I only ate breakfast and didn't eat any lunch. I also drank hot beverage with dinner to make sure I didn't get stuck. I know it breaks the golden rule of no drinking while eating but the bathroom is outside the restaurant and down the hall quite a ways so if I were to get stuck it would be a long long trek to get relief and I may not make it. Drinking during the meal made it more enjoyable but I also ate more. ALOT MORE!!
I had gotten a small small portion of a few things so I could have a smidgen of a variety of stuff.
Smokes sausage
mashed potatoes
Mac n cheese
Collard Greens (yeah, I had never had collard greens before, not too bad)
Green Beans

I was thoroughly stuffed after that meal and very guilty. I will not be drinking during the meal again. This was a free buffet that my hubby and I had and wanted to make the most of it. Not that I would ever pay $27 each for a buffet. I try to avoid buffets now, too expensive, unless it is lunch then its not so bad and I have more of a variety of band-friendly foods.

Tonight I made a big pot of chili and buffalo chicken dip. I ate the dip. Yeah that didn't agree with me. It has some spice to it.

I also made Vegetable rice soup for lunches this week. The soup is good for you and high protein. 20 g per serving. The big pot of soup is 4 servings, 358 cal, 11g fat, 20g protein. Not bad and very flavorful!! The recipe is under my recipe section.

Well I will update after my office visit on Thursday...

Monday, October 25, 2010

It's official!!!! I am buying clothes off the rack!!!

I broke down and went shopping today. I bought 4 shirts, 2 pairs of dress pants, one pair of jeans. I am still in plus sizes but a smaller plus size and no longer required to go to the BIG girl's store. SWEET!! It was a good feeling and it was a heck of a lot cheaper. I spent $125 and that also included a pair of shoes for me and a pair of AVIA shoes for my son who is in adult men's shoes already. So technically I spent $100 on myself including my shoes. Now, usually, I would spend $125 at Lane Bryant on two pairs of pants and a shirt. So I did really well today.  I was a little apprehensive but all in all a good day. I actually may look forward to shopping for clothes again.

I have learned that PORK is not my friend. As in pork chops, ribs, etc. I went to Shane's Rib shack for lunch and got some ribs. They are fall off the bone tender. I ate one rib (they are small), no problem. Took one bite of the 2nd one and instantly became stuck tight. I ended up going to the bathroom to dislodge it and then was tight the rest of the day. I am convinced it is pork. So my NO NO list grows...
Pot Roast
Bread (other than Jimmy Johns)

I remembered to take my biotin today. My nails are growing long and hard. I sure hope this hair loss slows down soon and I hope the biotin helps my hair growth.

I go back to the doctor for a follow up on Nov 4th. I don't see myself getting a fill this next time. I think I am in a good spot right now. I am not hungry between meals. I am still eating small amounts(as in salad plate size).

I had my wonderful hamburger with Queso Laughing Cow cheese for dinner. It is scrumptious. I have extras for the week.
My intake for today:
2 eggs, 2 wedges laughing cow, light swiss
3 chicken livers, green beans, salad
grilled hambuger, 2 wedges Queso laughing cow cheese
Vitamin water Zero
grapple (grape-uhl)

Are you wondering what a grapple is? It is a grape flavored apple. Yes that is correct!! It smells delicious and tastes just as good. YUMMY in tummy!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Portions are controlled, hair not so much

Portions have been under control since my last fill. I have had no real issues with sliming which is a good thing all around. I am feeling good about where my band is at right now. I am finding myself pushing away the plate before I finish my food and I am sticking to the salad sized plates. I am not so concerned with fat or calories as I probably should be but I am satisfied and happy with my results so far. I don't think about what I am going to eat other than making sure it is protein based and bread reduced.
I LOVE hamburgers off the grill but they just aren't the same without a good bun. I have been disappointed. However, I recently found a solution that makes the burger absolutely delish and I don't even think about the bun  not being there. Laughing cow wedge cheese has a new flavor called Queso. Just a little spice is nice. When we grill out burgers, I have hubby make several extra. I store them in a container of fat free/low sodium beef broth. Keeps them moist. Heat one up and spread a wedge of Queso Laughing Cow and it is like gourmet dining. I pair it with a salad and I have a completely wonderful and satisfying meal. I take it for lunch. I have it for dinner if what the family wants is not band friendly(like pizza).
I have made some "mushy" foods lately and realize I really need to limit those because while I don't eat more in one sitting, I am finding myself having the munchies because my hunger wasn't fully satisfied. Solid foods stay with me much longer and keeps me satisfied.
My clothes are way too big now. I still haven't gone shopping but with the weather turning colder I won't have a choice for much longer. I had to wear business casual all week and had people telling me to stop wearing some pants because they were HUGE on me. So if others are noticing and actually telling me I guess it is time to suck it up and go shopping. I really hate to because even though I know I will be choosing a smaller size it is disheartening when a smaller size fits you in one piece of clothing but in another it is way too small. I get discouraged because outfits I think are so freakin cute look hideous on me.

Ok, the hair....I am really getting self concious about my hair. It is thinner and thinner on top. My part looks more like the grand canyon. I see LOTS of scalp and my hair overall is VERY thin. I tried products that make your hair appear thicker but it only made it greasy, flat and nappy looking. I usually wash my hair every other day so it doesn't strip out the color and when I wash my hair loads of hair falls out. If I put the products on my hair the next day it is a grease pit.
I am taking BIOTIN daily, well trying to remember. It won't help with thinning but should help with growth of the hair I have. I understand this is typical between 3-6 months after surgery and it should slow down or stop after a few months. Here's hoping!!!

Friday, October 15, 2010

This week has been stressful

Well, I have to say this has been a stressful week. I did keep one promise to myself and that is I turned down ALL offers of candy or sweets. I went and bought Werther's hard candies with caramel in the middle. It is 50 cal for 2 pieces. That is my new must have sweets. I am saving calories and fat versus eating chocolates or candy bars and still getting the satisfaction when I am stressed. I put it to the test this week and it worked beautifully.

I brought my lunch all week except for the two days I ate the catered lunches. Even then I did really well. I had a salad with the main entree. Yesterday it was hamburgers and I ate it without the bread. It was still yummy. All in all, it was a good food week. I still have restriction although each week it is a little less tight. It loosens as I eat which is good. I would rather it loosen a little than be so tight I get sick. No episodes of sliming since my fill so I am happy. I think my portions are better controled then before the fill and I was sliming all the time. Weird! You would think that having more put in my band would mean it would get worse but it hasn't. I am being more careful and not taking chances on foods that have the potential to cause problems. To me it isn't worth the risk. Also, I am making sure I am eating more solids. After last time I was very scared of solids and tended to eat more mushy foods if possible. I can't do that and continue to feel full and lose weight. I am still learning to live with my band but all in all I would do it again in a heartbeat!!

I'm not weighing myself today. It's not a good "time" so in about 7 days I will weigh in. I know my weight isn't down this week due to issues but I should be good in a week.

I said last week that I will have to break down and go shopping for clothes. Boy that was apparent this week. I have a lot of belly skin/fat right now. It's jiggily. Pant that are snug in the waist are HUGE through the butt and legs and it makes me look dumpy. WOW I usually never worry about that. I normally would worry that it wasn't big enough to cover up all that girth. I guess I should try a slim fit in the current size I am in so it isn't so big in the legs and butt. I have to wear business casual all next week so I guess I need to get that taken care of this weekend. YUCK, I really hate shopping!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Noticing changes

Well for starters, this fill I can notice a change. I eat a much smaller portion than I have been lately. This is a good thing. I don't feel anymore stuck than usual but I defintely have a full feeling shortly after I start eating. My nurse gave me a xerox copy of the "lap band plate" so I could have the actual size of the plate. I am not able to even eat that much right now. Here is what I ate today: 2 eggs, 2 wedges lite laughing cow swiss, meatloaf, green beans, 6 buffalo sauce pretzel chips, then for dinner another slice of meatloaf, green beans. Drank Vitamin Water Zero all day. I like to eat the same food for lunch and dinner.

The second thing I have noticed is my clothes finally are getting noticeably HUGE on me. I wore a pair of my smaller jeans last week and I was told to stop wearing them that they were too big. Nice to hear that for a change. I have noticed that my shirts are more loose on me. Some to the point that I need to get rid of them. Again, I never imagined I would be saying that! I have been gettin clothes out of my bin that I put smaller yet stylish clothes in. I am running out of those too. It looks like I will have to break down and go shopping. I have been trying to avoid it.

Tottally off the subject here but anyone heard of or remember La Femme Nikita? OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW!! I can only get it online and can only watch it for about 56 min before I am kicked off for an hour. I am addicted!!

Well that is all for now. I hope the good news keeps coming.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The latest...

I went in for a fill yesterday. I called the office Monday because I was eating way too much and the scale was not moving no matter what I did. Also, I have had strong cravings for sweets and snack foods which I NEVER did before. Oh, ocassionally I would want a little candy or chips but it wasn't daily, multiple times per day. I have been out of control with that for the past two weeks. I was also eating way more than I should. I could eat a salad plate and a half of food each time. Although I wasn't hungry for another 5-6 hrs it still was more than I should have had.
I knew that I needed an alternative for sweets craving at work where chocolates are abundant! Let's face it, chocolate melts and slides right on through the band so I was able to indulge immensely in the chocolate caramel dove candies or the fundraiser caramel chocolate candy bars. Well I need to support the schools/kids right? Yeah that was my excuse. I have compromised to Werthers hard candies with the caramel center. Do you see the caramel theme going on here? Suddenly I am a caramel fanatic. Again not usual for me. Anyway, the Werthers is 50 cal, 1g fat for two candies. They are delish! That is my compromise for now to get me through this crisis I seem to be having. I did turn down the offers of twix bars and a cupcake. That's progress right?

Back to the doctor visit...I went in yesterday for a fill and I had actually lost 7lbs since my last appointment so I was thrilled and very surprised. Of course that was over about 6 weeks. I got a .2 fill to try and help curb my portion size but she didn't want me to get too tight. It is official, I absolutely cannot eat regular bread or toast. I can only eat the bread from Jimmy Johns sandwiches. Weird but true! No tortillas either. No pot roast because it is too stringy no matter how small a bite. It just compresses into a ball and gets stuck. I can still eat the cooked vegetables that I put in the roast so I guess I will have to live with that. Dang it!
I go back to the doctor in a month so we shall see how this is going for me.

Keep tuned in...

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Stressed & Depressed

Well I officially didn't get the job and I feel like a loser. Not that I am not happy for the person that did. I am just glad it wasn't the current team leader of that unit but I am bummed I didn't get it. I feel like a failure and loser because I am her team leader and she was considered the better choice over me so that makes me feel and look like I am not a very good team leader. I am fed up really. I work my tail off for the unit each and every day. I stay late until 10, 11 or sometimes midnight on the last day of the month to help get everyone's checks posted when they all leave at 6 or 8 pm.
I had to sit there all day listening to my supervisor tell EVERYONE that she was the PERFECT person for the job. HELLO...I sit right outside your cubicle. I can hear you. Apparently I was told it was because my scores were low. My scores are a compilation of making my goal, percentages and such. Hers was higher and supposedly that was the deciding factor. This is according to my supervisor and that I was 2nd choice. Well not according to the person doing the hiring. She said she sat down with my supervisor and my division manager and discussed who would be best for the job and the other one was chosen. In the meeting with the unit she told them that it was close between the current team leader and the one that got the job. I wasn't a factor. I feel like I have been lied to and held back intentionally because no one does or even knows how to do all the work I do for the unit. If I left there would be no one to do it. My supervisor all day kept saying to me how glad she was that I didn't get the job and kept asking me if I was okay with not getting the job. Well no I wasn't okay with it but that really doesn't matter does it. It was the last day of the month, I had to do everyone's stuff, ignore mine so I couldn't work on making my goal (which I didn't make, AGAIN) and stayed until 10pm. AGAIN. Is it really worth it?? I am beginning to wonder.
I haven't been losing any weight. Not gaining, but not losing. I know it is because I am eating sweets. I am just in this funk and I start crying at the drop of a hat. Especially about this job. I don't know why I am so emotional about it. I guess I wanted it more than I realized.
I think some stress is also over my oldest daughter being back in our lives. I don't trust her and am concerned about being around her after all that she has done to us but she is our daughter and we can't NOT help her. She was living in deplorable conditions and eventually was getting kicked out on the street with no job. We moved her back to the city, got her a place to live, a job and helped pay her rent, got some furniture etc. Not one thank you from her. Now my son is unemployed. We are in week 3 of him not having a job. That stresses me because he is the "good child". He still lives at home so he doesn't have the usual worries about finding a job which makes me concerned that he isn't trying as hard as he should. He spends more time at his girlfriends house than he is out looking for a job. She is 19 yrs old and has NEVER had a job and really isn't trying to find one. If she gets a job offer she turns it down because the hours are too late or her mom doesn't want her working at McDonalds. Whatever!! Again just more stress!!
I know I need to let all of that go and focus on myself. It is just so hard to do when it is your kids. Work is part of my everyday life so that is hard to let go too.

What to do. What to do.....