Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Struggling....with my food pusher

This unfill is becoming my undoing. I can eat anything and everything with no problems. My problem is that and my husband. He asked me if I am able to eat everything. Yes, I can. Now he is back to being a "food pusher" just like before surgery.

It all started with dinner last night. I didn't feel like cooking considering all the cooking I have done over the last few weeks. He was going to get McDonalds. He said he would get me a Big Mac, I said no. He said double cheese, I said no. He said what about White Castle? I said no. He said Wendys? KFC? NO NO NO!!!!! He then said Subway. Ok I can do Subway. Told him a 6".  He said do you want a footlong. No I said 6". Him: I can get you a footlong if you want. Me: No! Him: Do you want Doritos? Me: No just the 6". HIM: I'm still going to White Castle. Do you want a milkshake. Me: No I don't and I don't like theirs anyway. Him: I can get you a milkshake from somewhere else. Me: I said No, what don't you understand?? Him: Ok, do you want a Big Red soft drink? I just looked at him. He, at this point, said the ultimate to me. HIM: I know you don't drink soft drinks but since you can eat whatever you want I thought maybe you would want one. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This, people, is why I am FAT!! With this much badger, no wonder I would give in and started just pigging out to keep him from badgering me.

Then, oh and this is precious, I made the comment that I have already gained a few pounds since having the unfill and he said....get this...."You need to go in and get a fill." WTF???? and I am not talking about the name of my blog!

I can't rush back into an aggressive fill just to get my food pusher to back off. He is like this all the time. I have confronted him on this and he just doesn't get it. He sees nothing wrong with him being polite.

I don't know if I am going to make it through this without a huge gain. I have been so frustrated with him that I am downing bags of doritos and the not the baked ones. I am addicted to them right now and he keeps buying them cause he said he knows I like them.

I feel all my success slipping away...


Momee3021 said...

Run!!! I used to hide so I could eat now you need to hide so you don't. DO NOT let this unfill take you down. I am not banded yet but you are one of the blogs I chose to follow - because I relate and because you've done so awesome. Look at your photos - it's proof. Doritos are ever so tasty so I'll eat them for you - if you want I'll tell you about every orange fingered moment - I have 6 weeks before my pre op starts. LOL!!! But dont give in - even if its your hubby. I am guilty of doing that to my husband - I want to make him happy with food - thankfully he does not have a weight problem and just says no or actually throws out what I get for him if he doesn't want it - it's a horrific sight - food being thrown out and not eaten but he'll do it to show me that food is not love - maybe your hubby needs some tough love too.

Good Luck!!!

Angie said...

Congrats on getting banded soon. After 19 months of being banded I can easily slip back into my "old life". If it weren't for the band I know I would just get bigger and bigger. The real life tribulations don't end with the surgery. It is not a miracle fix or cure. If I am to be honest with myself, I have NO WILLPOWER. I can talk a big game but when it comes down to it, I don't have any power over food. My band keeps me in control. Now that it is unfilled, well, I am getting out of control. I am totally dependent on the band. I am okay knowing that because then I understand just how important the band is in my life. No surgery is bump free. There will be ups and downs but in the end the success you have is up to you. When you go for so long eating very little and then suddenly you can eat a lot more. You will gain. I will be going for a fill in a few weeks. I will be starting over and if that means some weight gain to get there, then so be it. Before you have the band surgery sit down with everyone in your life and lay down the law. I wish I had, of course, I really didn't know what the law was at that time. I let into my husband last night after he told my son when he went to the store to pick me a couple of bags of doritos. I blew up. My son said no he will not get them. Thanks to my son. I think my husband misses his eating buddy. That is all we ever did when we went out for date night. We ate and ate. We don't have that anymore. Poor thing actually has to talk to me. LOL. Thank you for following my blog. It is my reality check. Life is good then BAM reality check!

Angie said...

Again thank you for a swift kick and support. One of the reasons I started the blog was to be accountable to myself but also to others. It reminds me I don't want to fail and I sure don't want others to see me fail. But the reality is it is not smooth sailing. I have had it very lucky with few problems up til now. I still have a long way to go but I will get there. Inch by inch says the inchworm. Glad to have you along for the ride!

FitBy40 said...

You can do it Angie! I don't have a suggestion for dealing with your hubby, but I can suggest you stock up on LOTS of healthy choices in your fridge, so you'll be less likely to cave in. I think yogurt, SF pudding, grapes, oatmeal, etc. If you're eating all the time, but the calories are on the low side, you might feel more satisfied, and less likely to give in.
Good luck! Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I am sure that your hubby doe snot really realize what he is doing. That is a tough one. I agree; YOU go to the store and only bring things into the house you can eat guilt-free. Throw away anything (doritos) and cover them in trash!!! I have had to do that with dip and chips.

Angie said...

Thanks Fitby40. It is worse than starting over. Atleast in the beginning it was easier I think from all the swelling and my body not being used to eating less, even a small amount less, than before. Now my body is used to eating small and can't believe I can eat more. It's so hard.

@Robyn's Nest: He knows exactly what he is doing. I was his eating buddy. He is overweight. No severly obese as I was but he carries his weight in his stomach and looks 9 months pregnant. He has health issues but is in denial and won't do anything about it. He tries to feed my 7 yr old too saying he is just being polite by offering food. It is going to be a knock down drag out fight, I can see it coming. I do the grocery shopping, he goes himself and gets the bad stuff because I refuse to buy it. Each day I am trying to focus on me and my battle. A little step each day. Today I tried to focus on getting my protein in. I was hungry more often. It seems like I can eat a portion and still feel hunger pangs. It may be 30 days before I get another fill and even then it will only be .5cc at a time.

tz said...

Thanks so much for this post, I'm very sorry about the pain and anxiety that must be happening right now, but for those of us who are beginning this process this is an important lesson. I liked your advice to lay down the law before getting any WLS and I think I'll take you up on that advice.

Well-intentioned friends and family are sometimes worse then out right mean people, it's harder to fight because they mean so well and you end up being the bad guy.

but when it's your health (and maybe the future health of your offspring) it's okay to be the bad guy.

Thanks for sharing and good luck!

Angie said...

Families good intentions can be your undoing. They don't understand that the surgery does not eliminate the battle. It is a good idea to lay down the law and you will have to do it more than once. Now that I have the un-fill, I am starting over essentially and trying to establish that law again. Keep looking forward. Sometimes you will look backwards in your journey. Make sure you turn back forward and keep trudging on. The journey no matter how many ups or downs there are, is so worth it. I don't regret the surgery all at. At times I felt like I regretted it but I really didn't. Having the un-fill has just confirmed my deep rooted problem that without the band I will continue to eat non stop.