Thursday, December 15, 2011

One week post fill...ugh...

Well, this fill has been the best/worst by far in the year and a half since surgery. OMG!!! I am still very tight. A few bites and I am beyond done. I am having to learn all over again how to eat lap band style. I have reverted back to the teeny tiny containers. I can usually just eat a few bites. I eat a few bites about 30 min later. I haven't been in that frame of mind in so many months! It is a hard learning experience. I keep over doing it and paying the price. Need to get the low down on the slow down. Need to take it REAL slow and stop at the soft burp as some like to call it. I used to think the more I burped the more room I would have. Not the case anymore. The more I burp the more likely it is going to come back up. YUCK.

I know the difference between getting stuck and overeating. Before, when I could eat more, I would get stuck. No doubt about it. Now I get full and beyond. When I hit beyond it is a very uncomfortable fullness. I can feel it filled to the top. It's not a stuck feeling at all just like a lot of food just sitting there on top. Sometimes I can burp and eventually it gets a little more comfortable. Sometimes it comes up. That too I can tell because of the sliming. If the sliming starts then I am definitely stuck. If no sliming then it is just overfull.

Okay now to todays addiction. Yes I have an addiction even though I can't eat much. Before it was Golden Oreos. Now I have moved on to another cookie. I made mega amounts of cookies for the holiday trays and gift boxes. I made a peppermint sugar cookie drizzled with white chocolate. Oh my, it's my new love. And oddly enough it does not get stuck. No milk. Straight up cookies. I can eat a few with no problem. Go figure. I will be making them again this weekend for my containers to give to the neighbors. What is it with me and cookies? Up until a few weeks/month ago I never ate cookies like this. I haven't eaten this many cookies in years.

We had the company luncheon. I got my little plate and got a slice of turkey, about 6 green beans, a spoon of mashed potatoes and about 1/4cup of salad. I ate two teeny bites of turkey, 3 green beans, a few teeny bites of stuffing and 4 pieces of lettuce. Got filled to the gill but didn't get stuck and kept it down. I guess my real fear is getting stuck and it coming back up. Cause when it is a comin up you need to get the hell outa dodge quickly!!

Okay, I have a problem creeping up. Next week my boss is taking the group to lunch. I am REALLY TIGHT. There is no way I am going to be able to eat. I will have to be very careful but I don't want it to look like I am snubbing the lunch choice nor do I want to look like I am hoarding food to take home. No one in my new group knows I had the surgery, not even my new boss. I am conflicted about telling him. I don't have any issues that interfere with work. I don't anticipate it either but I don't feel compelled to tell anyone in this group. I don't know them very well yet and I think deeep down I feel like I would not be accepted. A couple of them are workout nuts and on diets. That is not me. A lot of people in the company know I have had the surgery so I am sure word has spread but still I don't feel comfortable to confide in anyone and no one has asked about it.
I know some people who lose weight the old fashioned way think surgery is BS and take offense at it. It's not like I enter the company weightloss contests because that truly is unfair. And yes there are some at work who have had surgeries and enter the contest. I think that it is wrong. But oddly enough they never win. The contests are usually the most percentage of body fat lost. They never win and in fact usually place near the end. Kind of sad if you ask me. It's a catch 22. If you win the contest or even make a good showing people blast you for doing it when others struggle the old way of diet and exercise. If you lose or have a poor showing, then it looks like your surgery is a flop or you aren't doing what you are supposed to.

Does anyone ever find themselves looking at someone who had surgery and wonder why they are filling their plate and eating all of it? I did recently. I saw someone who had gastric bypass fill a plate piled it high full of food, bread, stuffing, meats etc. They ate it all. HOW?? Just curious. I know I struggle to eat.


FitBy40 said...

I struggle with the group get togethers and even backed out of one recently because I knew I was too tight and wouldn't be able to eat anything.
You could go for the soft foods, and stay away from bready things. Lots of people are staying away from carbs, so just say that's what you're doing.
Good luck!

Angie said...

I sat there and thought about meatballs and spinach dip or even salad but decided to go with the pizza. Thankfully no one asked about even though I realized one person did know since I worked with his wife for 10 years but being a guy I think he didn't mention it.