Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Struggling....with my food pusher

This unfill is becoming my undoing. I can eat anything and everything with no problems. My problem is that and my husband. He asked me if I am able to eat everything. Yes, I can. Now he is back to being a "food pusher" just like before surgery.

It all started with dinner last night. I didn't feel like cooking considering all the cooking I have done over the last few weeks. He was going to get McDonalds. He said he would get me a Big Mac, I said no. He said double cheese, I said no. He said what about White Castle? I said no. He said Wendys? KFC? NO NO NO!!!!! He then said Subway. Ok I can do Subway. Told him a 6".  He said do you want a footlong. No I said 6". Him: I can get you a footlong if you want. Me: No! Him: Do you want Doritos? Me: No just the 6". HIM: I'm still going to White Castle. Do you want a milkshake. Me: No I don't and I don't like theirs anyway. Him: I can get you a milkshake from somewhere else. Me: I said No, what don't you understand?? Him: Ok, do you want a Big Red soft drink? I just looked at him. He, at this point, said the ultimate to me. HIM: I know you don't drink soft drinks but since you can eat whatever you want I thought maybe you would want one. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This, people, is why I am FAT!! With this much badger, no wonder I would give in and started just pigging out to keep him from badgering me.

Then, oh and this is precious, I made the comment that I have already gained a few pounds since having the unfill and he said....get this...."You need to go in and get a fill." WTF???? and I am not talking about the name of my blog!

I can't rush back into an aggressive fill just to get my food pusher to back off. He is like this all the time. I have confronted him on this and he just doesn't get it. He sees nothing wrong with him being polite.

I don't know if I am going to make it through this without a huge gain. I have been so frustrated with him that I am downing bags of doritos and the not the baked ones. I am addicted to them right now and he keeps buying them cause he said he knows I like them.

I feel all my success slipping away...

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas Everyone

Even though it is Christmas, today still poses challenges for weight loss. Having an unfill is an extra challenge. I had forgotten what a normal full feeling was. Being banded, it is a much tighter, full feeling. Almost a blocked feeling if I don't stop when I have the soft full feeling. Now, the fullness creeps up on you and before you know it, you are overfull. I had to "listen" real hard to make sure I didn't miss it. It was too easy to ignore.

Today we had spiral sliced ham, mac n cheese made with Barilla Plus. Protein wise this was a high protein meal. Had no problems eating. Ate a salad plate size meal. Hadn't done that in a while since my recent fills barely got me a few spoonfuls of food. I remember being told that a salad plate size portion of food is what I should be eating at each meal. I always thought that was too much for having a band but that is the ideal portion. I keep forgetting that. Had I remembered that then maybe this last fill would not have happened. Here's to starting over. Re-learn all over again.

I hope this Christmas season brings you and yours all the joy and blessings of the season. Merry Christmas everyone! 

Friday, December 23, 2011

Next Day update--post unfill

What a difference between yesterday and today. I did have some residual pain in my chest last night. I think it was due to the unfill. I had some stomach cramping. I had a heating pad on my chest and stomach. Had a good nights sleep. Woke up and didn't feel like eating, a little scared I guess. I had some early morning shopping to do so I just drank a little choclate milk and out the door I went.

I had no more pain. Did my shopping in record time and was home by 11am. I then was hungry and fixed a scrambled egg, sausage crumbles and a wedge of laughing cow cheese. Now prior to the unfill I would only be able to eat 2-3 bites. Big difference, I ate it all. Then my stomach felt quesy. I overdid it. It just felt so good to be able to eat and I didn't eat all that much. It was probably 1/2 cup total. I was full. It was nice to be able to swallow. Other than that I have been sipping on a Special K protein shake and some vitamin water. Again, so nice to swallow without problems. No sliming, no runny nose, no throwing up.

Still I need to be careful and not overdo it. I am keeping it simple. I think the sausage crumbles was too much. I need more bland foods for a few days.

On to the holidays...got food day at my Mom's tomorrow. I have some cooking to do. Just appetizers so that is easy enough.

What is on your holiday menu? We are having spiral sliced ham, mac n cheese, green beans, salad and pie on Christmas Day. I on the other hand won't be having all of that. Probably some soup and maybe some green beans. It just depends on my stomach.

Merry Christmas....

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Band slippage, we think

OMG!!! All of a sudden I was in band hell. There was NOTHING that would go down. Not even water, heck not even my own saliva. It just sat in my throat and then it would have to come up along with slime. It was so bad my nose was running from all the backing up of slime. Non stop uppage for hours. The worst part?? I was at work. Every few minutes I had to go to the bathroom and get the slime out. Hot liquids did nothing for me. It felt like I had a lump in my throat and that my throat had closed up. I couldn't even breathe through my mouth. I finally called the doctor at 2:47pm today and they told me to come in. We got to leave early today for the holidays, we are closed tomorrow, and I spent that extra time at the doctors. I got there at 3:20 and left at 5:20. It took that long to get this under control. First, same girl, couldn't find my port. AGAIN. She then went to find another person to help and they were busy and she came back and asked to try one more time. I said fine, I just wanted relief. I really didn't care at this point. She found the port and the port opening but only .5cc came out. She left the needle sticking in there and went and got another needle/syringe and stuck it in right beside the 1st one and lo and behold, she easily got the fluid out. She took out a little at a time, each time me trying to drink. She took out 6.4cc before I could swallow. We are pretty certain there was slippage due to how much she had to take out. I felt her taking out the fluid too. It was painful. It felt like someone was untwisting my esophagus. I felt it in there. Once it was out, I felt good. The lump feeling in my throat was gone, I could breathe through my mouth and I was able to swallow water. I am nearly back to square one again fill-wise with the exception that I have lost over 100lbs already. I have some serious watching to do so I don't overeat.

WOW so glad that is over. I had some Backyard Burger Chili for dinner. It is more like soup and isn't spicy. It was just what I needed. Went down fine and stayed down. The chili has 8g of protein for a little cup.  I am now sipping on some chocolate milk. It has 18g protein.

My stomach is sore. My port is sore. My stomach inside is sore. It cramps from time to time when I eat or drink so I am just taking it super slow and easy. Nothing solid. There is a lot of irritation in there from the swelling and throwing up. Not really throwing up as much as expelling the slime. Fun times.

I am glad I got off work early even though I had planned to finish my Christmas Shopping. Somethings are more important and I wasn't about to let it go until next week. I wouldn't be able to take off work then either since most are off next week. We have to have coverage.

Saturday is our Christmas celebration at my Mom's. She got a sandwich platter, which I can't eat, well I couldn't but probably could now. Yet, I don't plan on finding out. I have given up carbs for the most part so I don't want to get back on eating bread. So, I am making sausage balls, wings, and buffalo chicken dip. I have this awesome wing recipe. I will post it after this. I am also making punch for us to drink. Good stuff.

Happy Holidays to everyone. I wish each one a blessed Christmas!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Oh Baby Oh Baby Oh Baby

Oh Baby, is my band still tight! Nearly two weeks post-fill and still going strong. I am so glad for that even though I am struggling with learning to eat bander-style again since mine had been so laxed lately.

My typical meal before this fill and after:

Meal                           Before                                                                          After
Breakfast                 2 scrambles eggs, 3 laughing cow cheese                          1 scrambled egg, 1 cheese

Lunch                       Entire entree Qdoba chicken nachos                                 1/4 of a craft 2 nacho-tiny

Dinner                      2 x 2 in piece of meatloaf casserole                                   3 tbsp of meatloaf casserole

I see a big difference in what I can eat now. To put this in perspective I had been retaining fluid, so I thought and had ballooned up at least 15 lbs on my at home scale. I started watching everything to see what the heck was going on. I got it down to a 2 lb gain when I went in to get my fill. Since then, I am now down 6 lbs.

Today was a big big day. We had our unit lunch. We went out to Old Chicago. PIZZA!! I love pizza but I have problems with it when my band is loose so now would be a nightmare. I was scared!! Everyone was ordering pizza. I didn't want salad when pizza was all around. So I got an artisan pizza for one with anduoille sausage and ground beef. It was cut into 4 pieces and crispy. OH MAN WAS IT GOOD! YES I ate a tiny piece and didn't get stuck which was a good thing because I was also nervous about that since we sat in a half moon booth and I was in the very middle. It was a very good day.

I just want to see that scale go slowly down. It's how I roll.

Ok, product alert....Jeggings. Don't ya love them? I was shopping on black Friday and found some jeans for my kids online at Old Navy. Well Women's jeans were on sale too. I saw these black jeggings with flared legs for $10. Like I am passing that up. Got them and didn't even try them on. They sat in my closet for a few weeks. I wore them for the 1st time last week and LOVE THEM. They are like stretchy knit with an elastic waist. They are oh so comfy. Non Binding for my stomach which is why I wore them today. I love the flared leg and fitting through the thighs and butt. I am different sizes in different parts of my body. If I get the pants to fit my hips, butt, thighs then it is a size too small for my waist and is painful. If I get it larger to fit my waist then I am constantly hiking them up because they slide down my butt. In between on the lower end which is a switch when I am usually in between on the higher end.

Feeling pretty good right now. Happy my latest fill is lasting this long.

What is your New Year's resolution?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

One week post fill...ugh...

Well, this fill has been the best/worst by far in the year and a half since surgery. OMG!!! I am still very tight. A few bites and I am beyond done. I am having to learn all over again how to eat lap band style. I have reverted back to the teeny tiny containers. I can usually just eat a few bites. I eat a few bites about 30 min later. I haven't been in that frame of mind in so many months! It is a hard learning experience. I keep over doing it and paying the price. Need to get the low down on the slow down. Need to take it REAL slow and stop at the soft burp as some like to call it. I used to think the more I burped the more room I would have. Not the case anymore. The more I burp the more likely it is going to come back up. YUCK.

I know the difference between getting stuck and overeating. Before, when I could eat more, I would get stuck. No doubt about it. Now I get full and beyond. When I hit beyond it is a very uncomfortable fullness. I can feel it filled to the top. It's not a stuck feeling at all just like a lot of food just sitting there on top. Sometimes I can burp and eventually it gets a little more comfortable. Sometimes it comes up. That too I can tell because of the sliming. If the sliming starts then I am definitely stuck. If no sliming then it is just overfull.

Okay now to todays addiction. Yes I have an addiction even though I can't eat much. Before it was Golden Oreos. Now I have moved on to another cookie. I made mega amounts of cookies for the holiday trays and gift boxes. I made a peppermint sugar cookie drizzled with white chocolate. Oh my, it's my new love. And oddly enough it does not get stuck. No milk. Straight up cookies. I can eat a few with no problem. Go figure. I will be making them again this weekend for my containers to give to the neighbors. What is it with me and cookies? Up until a few weeks/month ago I never ate cookies like this. I haven't eaten this many cookies in years.

We had the company luncheon. I got my little plate and got a slice of turkey, about 6 green beans, a spoon of mashed potatoes and about 1/4cup of salad. I ate two teeny bites of turkey, 3 green beans, a few teeny bites of stuffing and 4 pieces of lettuce. Got filled to the gill but didn't get stuck and kept it down. I guess my real fear is getting stuck and it coming back up. Cause when it is a comin up you need to get the hell outa dodge quickly!!

Okay, I have a problem creeping up. Next week my boss is taking the group to lunch. I am REALLY TIGHT. There is no way I am going to be able to eat. I will have to be very careful but I don't want it to look like I am snubbing the lunch choice nor do I want to look like I am hoarding food to take home. No one in my new group knows I had the surgery, not even my new boss. I am conflicted about telling him. I don't have any issues that interfere with work. I don't anticipate it either but I don't feel compelled to tell anyone in this group. I don't know them very well yet and I think deeep down I feel like I would not be accepted. A couple of them are workout nuts and on diets. That is not me. A lot of people in the company know I have had the surgery so I am sure word has spread but still I don't feel comfortable to confide in anyone and no one has asked about it.
I know some people who lose weight the old fashioned way think surgery is BS and take offense at it. It's not like I enter the company weightloss contests because that truly is unfair. And yes there are some at work who have had surgeries and enter the contest. I think that it is wrong. But oddly enough they never win. The contests are usually the most percentage of body fat lost. They never win and in fact usually place near the end. Kind of sad if you ask me. It's a catch 22. If you win the contest or even make a good showing people blast you for doing it when others struggle the old way of diet and exercise. If you lose or have a poor showing, then it looks like your surgery is a flop or you aren't doing what you are supposed to.

Does anyone ever find themselves looking at someone who had surgery and wonder why they are filling their plate and eating all of it? I did recently. I saw someone who had gastric bypass fill a plate piled it high full of food, bread, stuffing, meats etc. They ate it all. HOW?? Just curious. I know I struggle to eat.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Found another before pic...oh how far I have come

The Fill from Hell

OMG!!! I went yesterday to get a fill. The girl who normally does my fills and has done so since my surgery, left to go to another practice. The last person who did my fill was horrible with no personality and actually questioned whether I needed a fill, even though at that time I had not had/needed a fill for 8 months. I was glad I didn't get her, or so I thought.

First this one came into the room, very pleasant and friendly. Nice, I thought. Then she pulls up the stool right in my personal space and said "Let's get to know each other personally." Umm....WHAT?? After chit chatting about me and my life we got to the nitty gritty. I explained how I felt at times like I had an unfill that I could eat bread and I gained 2 lbs which is the first time I have a recorded gain at the doctor's office since my surgery in May 2010. Her response was to suggest I go on a 2 week liquid protein shake diet to lose weight. Well, my response was I didn't have the surgery to live off of protein shakes. The point was to eat "normally" with band control. She said the holidays are tempting. I said every day is tempting, the point is I am hungry every 2-3 hours and can eat bread so I know I need a fill.

She proceeds to get prepared for my fill and decides she is going to put in 1cc. The previous person, whom I loved and trusted, said she would never do that after you hit 6cc. She would only put in .3 or .5cc at a time. Then this person started the fill. OMG!! After numbing, she started poking around with the needle and couldn't find the center but found my unnumbed flesh many times. She kept grabbing the port and pushing so hard I am certain I have internal bruising. She pushed the needle in so hard I thought it woudl break off. She had to keep changing needles because of all her poking and pushing the needles were dull. What normally takes 5 mins including our chats, took over 30 minutes for the fill itself.

She finally got it in the center and withdrew the fluid to check the level, that was a lot of pushing as well, which I didn't understand. Then she tried to put the fluid back in and it wouldn't go in. She leaned into and pushed hard and met resistance. She was baffled but kept pushing. She showed me the syringe to show that she pulled the fluid out and could only push 1cc back in. Pushing, poking, pushing, poking...Finally she got it all back in. 7.4cc in all. At one point she tried to say the port must have flipped. I said if it flipped how did you get the fluid out and what fluid was it?? She was like oh yeah of course it didn't flip. Umm...nervous here.

The good news, I have restriction. It is that good bubbling with a sip that gurgles down. I have missed that. But oh how sore my stomach is. The fact that the port is at my waistband makes it even more sore and umcomfortable. Stretchy pants today. I can't stand to have anything touch it.

I am starting holiday baking. The up side is that I can't snack on any of it. Good for me. That makes my kids/hubby my taste testers. They are happy about that. The down side is that next week is our work holiday luncheon. Not sure I am going to be able to eat anything. Wish me luck on that.

I started a facebook page strictly for my band adventures. please request a friend invite. Angela Banded ForLife.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Posting problems

Please let me know if you are having problems posting comments to my blog. I thought I had it fixed. I know that I personally cannot post to others blogs. It says my email does not have permission.

Email me if you are having issues. angela.lovato7@gmail.com


Talk Band to me

It has been 18 months since my surgery. I am down more than 120 lbs and feel great. I have ups and I have downs but in the end there is weight I will never get back.

I saw an article today about Rex Ryan the Jets Coach who had lap band surgery. He touts how he gets indigestion and overeats. Hmm...then he says the band doesn't always work. Well, Mr. Ryan maybe you are not working WITH the band. If you continue to overeat and ignore the warnings from your band you will continue to have problems and low weight loss. That really burns me. Why does someone in the limelight have to give such negative publicity to a surgical procedure that can work if used properly?

I have times where I am frustrated but never do I doubt what this band has done for me. I am healthier, happier and more active. Granted I still don't exercise but all in all I am doing great. I can't imagine my life before. I just want to forget about my lack of self confidence.

I have changed in so many ways. I have social phobia. I have anxiety attacks in crowds or if I am the center of attention, hence, giving a speech would send me into overload and a meltdown. Yesterday I went to Bingo by myself. I didn't talk to anyone there but had a nice quiet time just enjoying the day.
I also can't walk in late to any function. I have to arrive super early so no one notices me. I get anxiety when I perceive myself to be the center of attention, like walking into a crowded room after the event has started, everyone turns to look. OMG I nearly throw up. That is changing for me. Still I have the anxiety but not on the level it once was.

What has the band done for you? I am interested, let me know.