Friday, August 27, 2010

The week in review, the ups and the downs

Well, it has been an interesting week band-speaking. It started Monday with a follow up visit and a fill. It was a small one at .5cc. Every thing was good. I had restriction. The bad. Each night I would get stuck eating dinner and each night it was a little worse than the night before. I was a little stuck each day at breakfast but that has always been that way. Lunch was never a problem. Before this week, neither was dinner.
Wednesday night I was working until 8pm like usual and got hungry around 7pm, so I fixed the food I brought for dinner. It got stuck. I paced, walked up and down the halls and finally had no choice since I was sliming, it had to come back up. I know this may sound gross but it wasn't throwing up. That comes from the pit of your stomach. Sliming for me usually results in expelling from the throat. It usually clears up what ever was stuck and I feel instantly better. Last night not so. I took one bite of dinner which was a bean burrito and it got stuck. Painfully stuck! Sliming began and well it got expelled. Over and over from 8:30pm until 2am. By that time it was stomach acid. I could even sip water. It got stuck. I called my doctor's office around midnight and was told I was probably too tight and to not eat or drink anything and call my doctor's office in the morning. Like I was going to try eating or drinking anything, seriously! Finally at 4 am I was able to lay down and go to sleep, only to wake up at 5am and start my day. YIPPEE!!
I called my doctor's office and they aren't in Louisville on Fridays so I would have to go to another city about an hour away. I opted to wait until Monday. The nurse, which is the one I usually see told me to sip hot liquids, as hot as I can stand, before meals. It will relax the esophagus. Apparently when food gets stuck, your esophagus spasms. Hot liquids relaxes that but cold or room temperature liquids causes it to restrict. So, I am on a hot liquid before meals diet this weekend and if no better by Monday I will call my doctor again. My nurse, Melissa, said there's a good chance it will pass and I won't need to get an unfill. Fingers crossed.
Now, back to this week. I didn't completely stick to my plan as far as eating home-cooked meals for lunch all week. I did every day except Thursday. I had a baked potato topped with grilled chicken, cheese, sour cream and a salad. I got the Picadilly's lunch that day. I had no problems eating that but dinner that night...well I already told you about that.

Some good news. I sifted through my clothes bin that I have with clothes that were too small but something I would wear if I could. I found a plain v-neck black t-shirt. I bought this about 2 years ago. Yes 2 years. I wore it once but it was so tight, I couldn't stretch it enough to wear comfortably so I never wore it again. This is why the shirt is still black like new, no fading. Looked brand new. I not only wore it yesterday but it was big on me. SO EXCITED!! It's like shopping in my own closet.

Well, that's it for this week. Just a recap really. I need to get past this set back and set my sights on next week and keeping to my plan.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Out with the Old, In with the New...well new-er

I have made many changes in my life lately, both physical and mental. Some of the changes are obvious to me and any one that is observant. Other changes are under the surface; ones that only I can "see", appreciate and understand.

This past 5 months, starting with my intake visit 2 months before surgery, has been one heck of a ride. So many choices to make and changes to oversee. Now, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate where I am in this journey. I feel I am starting to fall back into some old habits that could ultimately sabotage all my efforts. I have come too far to let that happen.

What changes has gone by the wayside? First is my "golden rule" to always bring my lunch to work. Picadilly's restaurant caters lunch twice a week for $5. That's a steal in today's economy. For instance, my favorite lunch was Thursday. It consisted of swiss steak(with gravy not tomato sauce), mashed potatoes w/gravy, glazed cararots, roll and salad bar. All for $5. I got it all and ate it all. No restriction at all that day. No feeling of being full. It was a little disturbing but the sad part was I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice until I was done and realized I had eaten it all! Then I was mad at myself. The guilt set in. When I first started this journey after surgery, I would have cut the swiss steak in half and halved all the other food and put it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge. I would limits myself to the just half. Not so anymore. I still bring my lunch most days. That particular day I didn't because I knew I was getting the swiss steak. I find I have stopped putting my servings or what I feel should be my servings in separate containers. I put it one big container and bring the whole thing. Well, no surprise I end up eating the whole thing. Not good. My once good habits are long gone. Time to get it back and get a reality check. It was a pain to put everything in small containers and it takes up a lot of room in the fridge so I got lazy and stopped doing it thinking I could still control my eating because of the band.
How wrong I was. I believe there is no way I am still in the "Green Zone" with how much I have been eating lately. I haven't lost anymore weight since I hit the 50lb mark. Thankfully I haven't gained but no loss. I have even been swelling a little while tells me I am getting too much sodium. I really need a fill. I am really hoping Monday they will give it to me but there is a chance they won't since I am not hungry between meals for anywhere between 4-6 hours. I just eat a lot more than the salad plate size portions.

New outlook coming up. I resolved today to get my habits in check again. I was doing so well, turning down lunch offers at work, turning down offers of cake and candy at work and now I am indulging in it all.

I have brought out some recipes and dusted them off. They are normally my fall/winter soup recipes however lately it has been butt-ass cold at work so I figure some hearty hot soup would hit the spot. I added them to my recipe collection. I think by far the heartiest is the vegetable-rice soup. There is so much going on in the soup that it is filling but yet it is vegetables so I will be hungry a lot sooner.

I am going to the grocery today to get food for me and I am sticking to plan this week. I also plan on declining the Picadilly's lunch service this week. I can't keep eating that way and expect to lose weight. Thankfully I haven't started drinking soft drinks again. If I did, I would be back at square one.

Here's hoping for the fill on Monday. Here's hoping I can stick to my plan.

Next is exercise or lack thereof. It is so easy to be lazy when you are being pulled in so many directions. I have stopped doing most anything. Not a good thing. I honestly hadn't noticed I had stopped until I was walking my daughter to the bus stop this week and was winded after only walking uphill past two houses. I shouldn't feel that way.

So goal number two is to get back into exercise mode. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010



This has been a rough week or two

I have truly been struggling this week. I am glad to know I go for a fill on the 23rd, I had thought it was on the 26th. I am hoping I get a fill this time. I'm not hungry between meals but I can eat a  lot at each meal. Much more than a salad size plate. I have put on about 5 lbs this week and have swelling in legs. I can only figure it is due to eating out more often this past few weeks which I know I shouldn't do. I eat breakfast between 7:30 and 8:30. I eat lunch between 12:30-1:30 and am not hungry between meals. I usually don't eat dinner until I get home at 8:30 or if I am starving I will eat something around 7pm. My times are good its just I am eating too much at one time or too fattening foods. I don't know, I will. have keep an eye on that
I have been taking my lunch each day to work but the weekends are killing me. It is way easier to grab something quick then to sit down and eat a good meal at home. I just hope this doesn't set me back too far. I should be happy that this is the first real set back I have had so far. Not too bad I guess but I hate to see my 50 lbs loss go away. It was a milestone for me. It is a little depressing I must say.

I am also dealing with my boss being on vacation this week, a new team leader who is supposed to be helping me, I am team leader too, but it's not enough help. He's new at it I know but he needs to step it up more. To top it off, co-workers think I am on a powertrip because I scrutinize their work. I can't put my approval on it if it is wrong and if I do then I am held accountable . It's not personal, it's my job.
Then the icing on the cake is that my kids go back to school today. My youngest son is starting middle school today, 6th grade, and my youngest daughter is starting 1st grade today. It's a little sad but don't get me wrong, I am fine with the kiddies being in school. It means I get my Friday off days back to myself. It has been a long summer working four 10hr days and not having that Friday to myself to unwind. I look forward to this Friday. It will be all about me. I think I will take in a movie by myself.

So in this post, I have gone from self pity to self worth. What a rollercoaster ride!

Friday, August 6, 2010


A 6 yr old, 10 5lb bags of sugar, 2 sacks of potatoes, a beagle dog AND the weight that I have lost.


This is a milestone I never thought I would see. This is a milestone I wasn't sure even existed for me. I have tried so many times over the years to lose weight. I have never in my lifetime lost 50 lbs at one time or even within a years time, even two years time. I am trying to digest my accomplishment. I see the changes, yet I don't. Does that even make sense? I see physical changes and I see mental changes. I am more active. I have a better opinion of myself but that is still a work in progress. I definitely feel more confident. I can look in the mirror or my reflection in the windows I am walking by and I no longer cringe.
Yes I am still large and overweight but I am a slimmer overweight. Instead of needing to lose OVER 100 lbs I now need to lose less than 100 lbs. I've never said that before.
I have a new outlook on life. The best part is the band is an integral part of my life. So integral that I don't really think band first anymore. I mean is it possible that 2 1/2 months post op that I am so used to my band? There are days that I totally forget, including the way I eat and get a chilling remiinder in the way of getting stuck and/or close to sliming. That's okay. I will take that. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE!!

As a final note...Krispy Kreme here in Louisville Ky has doughnut sundaes. Yes you read it right. Doughnut sundaes. OMG...Fabulous!!! It starts with a hot glazed doughnut topped with a mound of soft serve ice cream and drizzled with chocolate sauce. I ate the whole thing and nothing got stuck. I take that as a sign I was allowed to have it. I say this because as I am typing I am eating BBQ chicken. I cooked boneless chicken breasts in the crockpot all day. Drained, shredded and added Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. It got stuck. Chicken did! Doughnut did not.

Peace out.....................

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Yeah, you know I Well, okay maybe not really but there is a point to this madness. Monday I went shopping at a consignment shop. Okay, so it was a plus size consignment shop. They really do have them. There wasn't a huge selection and not particularly stylish. I tried on a shirt and it was skin tight. Depressing. I found these "Goddess" jeans. New with the tag on. They were a couple of sizes smaller than the last pants I bought, pre surgery days. I knew that all my capri jeans were getting baggy. Some to the point, that I have to keep hiking them up during the day. So, I thought I will try these that are one size smaller. They were tight. I could button them because they had some stretch to them but they were pretty tight. Well, I bought them anyway. I WILL get into those capri jeans. I am predicting by the end of this month they will be on me. Ok, actually I am hoping by the end of this month. Something to work towards. A goal. A reward. I'm not focusing on the scale but the comfort of my pants.
I plan on taking all my clothes that are too big and taking the fall clothes up there for consignment. Mine are WAY more stylish then the grandma clothes they had in there. Even for big girl clothes.
I forgot to get on the scale this morning. I know, crazy isn't it. I haven't been focusing on my weight this week. Work has been kicking my butt so I have been focusing my attention on that. Tomorrow morning I will get on it and see how I did.
Check back soon for my pics which may be on here by the time you read this. Before and After.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Re-thinking this whole Not needing a fill

I feel so guilty about how much I am eating. I don't see the scale moving down either. It seems to be stuck. I know my doc's office said I should eat a salad plate size but I feel it's too much and I could eat more. Like last night, when I did.
Ok it was my 40th birthday yesterday and all I kept thinking about was my doctor telling me that once you hit 40 the weight loss starts to slow down and it is harder to get the weight off. I am thinking this as I am devouring my birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse. My hubby took me out to eat and while I appreciate the sentiment, eating out is not exactly high on my priority list anymore. Oh it used to be, just not now.
He had me order the 12 oz rib eye, which I love, so he would eat what was left over. I also had loaded mashed potatoes and a salad. Along with my Jamaican Cowboy to drink. I drank all of it. In case you didn't know, rib eye's usually come with a "tail". It is this wrap-around piece that is very tender and juicy. I ate all of the tail and left the mail part of the steak for him. I had I would guesstimate about 4 oz. First though I ate most of the salad because they bring that first. It had cheese and eggs on it and the BEST ranch dressing. I also had loaded mashed potatoes and ate most of that. I felt filled to the gills and SUPER guilty! Now granted that was pretty much all I had yesterday other than the grazing I did because I was just too lazy to actually fix myself a meal so I just snacked all day. It was a bad day all around. I broke my routine and that is habit I don't want to get into again.
I think I have actually gained 2 lbs this week. I was bloated last week when I went to the doctor. By Wednesday my scale was showing a 2 lb loss after the bloating was gone. Now my scale is back up the 2 lbs.
I even got on the recumbent bike yesterday. TMI ALERT...note to self...DO NOT eat bean dip and then think you ride on a bike without consequences. Let's just say the beans kicked in and then kicked my ass. I barely made 5 minutes before the motion of pedaling worked everything loose. I couldn't get back on the bike the rest of the day.
I guess I need to make today a new day and start getting back on track. Planning some meals, make sure I have plenty of food on hand each day to choose from. I still have to make it through one more birthday lunch with my mom tomorrow and then I will be good. Then it will be back to work,again.
Speaking of work, Friday I ordered lunch from O'Charleys and ate a 1/2 club sandwich and a bowl of loaded potato soup. I ate the whole thing and didn't feel the least bit full. I then ate chips. I NEVER eat chips just to be eating them. Maybe too much sodium? Let's hope that is what was wrong. I need to stop eating out because it is killing my efforts.
Ok so back to my birthday...
I got a cool gift that I really love. My hubby had bought me a ZUNE 4GB a few years ago at a silent auction. It was the largest memory one I had ever had and it played videos. I didn't use the memory up ever. All of a sudden these past few months I finally did and wanted a larger one. I of course always mention to my oldest son what gifts I want and he relays them to my DH. They got it right this time. I got a ZUNE 32GB. LOVE IT! It is touch screen and has wireless Internet. I had thought I wanted and IPOD but realized that with IPOD I would have to buy their songs only. I couldn't just download from the CDs I had or downloads I had. With ZUNE you can use anything so it is a much better choice and less expensive in the long run when it comes to downloads. I highly recommend it. I have had no problems with it whatsoever. The 4GB has a really small screen but the larger one is so worth the extra dough and has a nice large screen. I also got the Percy Jackson movie and Gabriel Iglesias aka Mr. Fluffy dvd. A few of my co-workers gave me a Vera Bradley sticky note cube and my boss gave me a gift card and some office supplies. One of my buddies at work drew my name for birthdays. We had 3 this week. First we had Dairy Queen ice cream cake, then a giant cookie so for mine, she knew I didn't really eat sweets and we had a lot already so she made layered taco dip. I was thrilled with that. Plenty of protein. She said she researched the protein content of it. AND my DH sent me carnations to work. That was about it. Oh and I got a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake with gold medal ribbon ice cream in it. YUM! I will be having that as a treat. So my 40th birthday is over and I am on the ride downhill. We will see how that goes. My knee has been hurting for the past few days. It stopped after I took my Vitamin D and then started up again. We will see since I take it again tomorrow.