Crazy mixed up

After weeks and weeks of not being able to keep solid food down most days, I have been able to eat the past two days. Why? Heck if I know. Now don't get me wrong, I can't everything but I am eating more/better whatever you want to call it. I made tatertot casserole. Super Simple and is band friendly for me. Well right now anyway. Easy recipe that can be tweaked per family likes. Tatertot Casserole 2-3 lbs ground beef 2 cloves minced garlic 1 small diced onion 1/2c diced green pepper salt/pepper to taste 1 can cream of celery 2 cans cream of chicken 1/2 c shredded cheese Brown ground beef with onion, garlic and green pepper. Drain. Add salt and pepper, a can of cream of chicken and can of cream of celery. Mix well. Spoon into 9x13 pan. Mix can of cream of chicken with 1 can milk. Top beef with even layer of tater tots. Pour soup on top. Cover with foil. Bake at 400 for 30-45 minutes. Uncover and top with 1/2 shredded cheese. Bake until melted and lightly browned. Today I made fall off the bone tender baby back ribs in the oven no less. I was able to eat 3 ribs. I also made slow cooked green beans. 1/2 c of those as well. It was a good eating day for me. I wonder how much I will pay in the weight department? Tender Baby Back Ribs 1 rack of baby back loin ribs BBQ rub favorite BBQ sauce or make your own Dry ribs. Run knife under the membrane on the back of the ribs. Grab with paper towel and pull the membrane off. Pat down the ribs with paper towels. Sprinkle generously with the rub. Wrap in plastic wrap and put in fridge for at least 2 hrs. Take out and let set until room temperature. Preheat oven to 300. Tightly wrap rack in foil and place on cookie sheet. Cook in oven for 2 hours. Open foil and baste with BBQ sauce. Wrap tightly again and put back in the oven for another hour. Open foil, baste again with BBQ sauce and leave foil open. Place back in oven and cook another 15-30 minutes until sauce is carmelized. Let rest and cut ribs. So anyone want to take bet on whether I will be able to eat tomorrow? The odds are against me since I haven't been able to eat much for weeks. I have probably eaten more yesterday and today than I have total in the last few weeks. Vacation time is coming up. You know what that means? Bathing suit. YUCK!! I have gotten no sun so far this summer. I am white as a ghost. My hubby and kids are super tan already because they have been going swimming. I refuse to go because it is in my neighborhood and I would die a thousand deaths if anyone I knew saw me in a bathing suit. I have anxiety just thinking about it. Hence the reason I will be going out of state to go swimming to the beach. Sad isn't it? That body image is real and I don't think it will be going anywhere anytime soon. So stats...I had lost 125 lbs but in December 2011 I had an unfill and gained 25 lbs. I have lost 18 lbs of those pounds. 7 to go and I will be back to where I was prior to the unfill. This has been a struggle both physically and mentally. Clothes wise, I was in a tight 30/32 pant and a 4x-5x top at the time of my surgery in May 2010. I am now in a size 18 pant and 1x (18-20) top (sometimes an XL). Big difference. My self esteem is much higher than it was prior to surgery. I have made great strides in that department but still have a long ways to go and I have set backs along the way. I have a new job at a company I have been at for nearly 13 years. I spent more than 10 yrs in the same job but after surgery and losing weight I had the confidence to branch out and want more. I took that chance and have not looked back. I am very happy where I am. Sure there are days I am stressed and feeling bummed but doesn't everyone at some point or another? That too shall pass. All in all I am in a good place in my career. I went from being a team leader claims examiner to a software tester. Big change and a whole new life. This crazy mixed up life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's all part of life. How I respond to it defines the direction my life will take.