Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Difficulties abound

Well I have only lost 8 lbs since my fill. Then again I guess I could enthusiastically say I LOST 8 LBS!!
Only, I feel like I should have lost more. I have been struggling lately. Stress is playing a huge roll in how bad some days are.

I have had some really difficult decisions lately. One decision I no longer have to face is my friend at work wanting me to go to lunch with her daily. Not an issue any longer. Unfortunately she was let go. It was a major shock as she was formerly my boss and we have worked together for 12 years. I have stressed over worrying about her. I have stressed because I am being tapped to replace her, more in a bit on that. I am stressed because my current job has picked up immensely.

Because of stress there are very few foods I can eat. I don't believe I am too tight I truly think it all has to do with stress. I am trying daily to eat solid foods. Right now I can't eat pork, chicken, steak and some ground beef. I can't eat meatloaf at all. I get stuck big time. What I can eat is fast food. Go figure and when you are desperate you will try anything. I can eat Skyline chili and McDonald's Angus deluxe snack wrap. I can eat grilled burgers at home as well. No bread of course but I am thinking I could make my own snack wrap. The snack wrap is a small tortilla, 1/2 burger, cheese slice, lettuce, mayo and mustard. McDonald's adds tomato and onion which I don't like. I am drinking Ensure Muscle Health. It has 13g protein in each little bottle. The chocolate and the strawberry are pretty good. My other staples are scrambled eggs, cereal, cheese and panino (mozzarella and prosciutto rolled up).

Now back to my stress. I mentioned they are tapping me to replace my friend as she trained me and I am up to date on all information / procedures related to this client. I reluctantly applied after pressure. I had an interview on Friday and came away not wanting that job at all. The manager asked me on a scaled of 1 to 10 where was I with wanting this job. I said maybe pushing an 8. I have severe reservations. When I took the job I have now last year I was beyond excited. I was grinning from ear to ear. I test software.It is what I have a knack for and what I love doing. I am working on my degree in information technology so this is where I need to be. I am wanted for the job because of my knowledge and the client knows me. I absolutely do not want it. I felt I should not proceed on with the interview process. It isn't fair to anyone if I continue on and then decline should an offer be made. So I withdrew. Hopefully this won't bite me in the butt.

Today has been a particularly bad band day.  I have tried numerous things to eat but nothing stays down. I tried meatloaf for lunch and got stuck and slimed. It came up. I waited an hour and tried again. Same outcome. I waited then tried to drink Ensure. It got stuck and came back up. I then thought maybe it is spasms again in my throat. So I fixed some really hot cappuccino. I sipped on that then all of a sudden my tongue and throat tightened up. I RAN for the bathroom and barely made it.

I waited and nibbled on crackers. I know what you are thinking after all that certainly I can't eat a cracker. Yep it went down and stayed down. I ate a slice of cheese on crackers. Kept it down. Go figure. I just don't understand it.

It is July 4th, a holiday, my off day. Happy 4th of July everyone!!

1 comment:

Amy said...

new follower :)

sorry to hear about the work drama. I have a bit of that myself. Ack!