Thursday, February 2, 2012 and chocolate

Who doesn't love chocolate? Who doesn't love February when you have a legit excuse to indulge in chocolate and an extra day to boot?

I am okay around chocolate unless it is caramel filled chocolates then I am a goner. I don't think my husband knows that about me so I should be safe this Valentine's Day. We probably won't be celebrating because we both have to work, even the weekend before we work. That's okay though. Eating out just isn't my cup of tea anymore and right now I can eat everything. I don't enjoy eating. I am not happy that I can eat whatever. I miss my band restriction. It will be a slow process, like beginning all over again.

I have conciously cut back on my bread intake. My gaining weight seems to have stalled but so is my weight loss. I guess I can't complain as long as I am not gaining right now. I have been drinking Ensure Muscle. It has 13g protein.  I have lost a lot of muscle with this weight loss. It is because I don't exercise. Losing 125 lbs without exercise has its consequences and I am paying the price.

I have no willpower. Let me say it again. I HAVE NO WILLPOWER!!! I can't say no to food but I can say no to exercise. I have no motivation. I think because I have seen I can lose weight without exercise my mind has decided that I don't need it. Hence, the hanging skin, no muscle tone, heck no muscle at all and certainly no strength. I have the equipment in my house but I won't walk the 30 steps down the hall to my dedicated exercise room to use the stuff. Sad isn't it.

This has been a depressing experience. We are going through some hard times at work and that makes it difficult to not snack and eat bad. Food has always been my crutch to lean on in bad times and with no fill then there is no reason not to eat. It is getting harder and harder. There is so much uncertainty at work about what will be happening to our positions that I just kind of give up and give in at times. No excuses, it is the plain truth. I need a band buddy here in my town. Someone to hang with who understands and can help motivate me. Someone who is going through what I am going through. No such luck finding one.

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