Sunday, January 15, 2012

Losing weight? Nope, losing my mind!!

I have said it before and I will say it again. This un-fill is my un-doing. The weight is coming back on and I konw it is entirely my fault. I admit it. I have NO WILL POWER. NONE!!
The un-fill was done and I can eat anything and everything and I am. There is no stopping me. Bread is my enemy. I have eaten very little bread in the last year and a half but in the last few weeks I have managed to eat 10Xs more bread than I have combined in the last year. If I can eat a sandwich I do for every meal if I can. See with the band, bread was a big no no. If I could eat bread then I needed a fill. It was my marker. Now, I can't get enough bread. And I can't not have bread in the house because my family can eat bread. Usually it is a non issue since the band keeps me from eating it. I miss my band being full.

I had to move my fill appointment from tomorrow until Monday the 23rd because I forgot my daughter had an appointment at the same time. One more week.

I hate to say it but I have gained more than 20lbs. I am still swollen. My feet feel about to bust open. My fingers are sausagy, that's not a word but you get the gist. My pants are too tight. My shoes are too tight. My lips are swollen which in reality is what we pay money for lip plumper for but still not a good thing.
I also think I an dehydrated. I am hardly drinking liquids and my urine is pale and cloudy. I know TMI but it happens.

Again, one more week.....very scared of what's happening.

Also a little more than depressed. I started a banded facebook page to discuss band issues separate from my personal life. I put on there I needed help, a pep talk and you know what I heard back? Crickets. Nothing not a peep. No one responded. I hate feeling alone. I felt that way with weight watchers and now again with my band. It's interesting when you are successfull people are encouraging but when you are raging a battle within and you are slipping away no one cares. Maybe its just me.


Lap Band Gal said...

What's the name of your fb page?

Angie said...

Angela Banded ForLife

Anonymous said...

Okay, deep breath. You say you have no will-power, but I do not believe that totally. You have lost a lot of weight. The band helped but you did it. Get the bread out of the house; your family can deal for a week because they care. The next time you go for a carb, try to take a walk and think about it before you eat it.

FitBy40 said...

oh boy, I just had a full 1CC taken out and had a piece of left over pizza for dinner. I haven't had pizza in a year. It's like I was testing the waters to see if I could. I'm not even going to try bread because I know it might go down and then I'm in trouble, because bread was always my downfall!
I think you should see your primary doc about the swelling. That seems a little concerning to me!

Sarah G said...

I did the same thing last month. Bread is my kryptonite. I have gone back to measuring my portions on my food scale and logging everything. It helped me see I had gone partially crazy and got me back on track.

Sarah G said...

The swelling sounds abnormal to me, you should probably get that checked out.

Angie said...

I have had the swelling checked out. They don't know why I do it. My heart has checked out fine, all bloodwork fine. I have an autoimmune disorder and that may be the cause but there is no real way to tell for sure.
That being said, I have been trying to keep track on my phone app, Lose It, and since then I have lowered by 25 lb gain down to 14 lbs gained.