Out with the Old, In with the New...well new-er

I have made many changes in my life lately, both physical and mental. Some of the changes are obvious to me and any one that is observant. Other changes are under the surface; ones that only I can "see", appreciate and understand.

This past 5 months, starting with my intake visit 2 months before surgery, has been one heck of a ride. So many choices to make and changes to oversee. Now, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate where I am in this journey. I feel I am starting to fall back into some old habits that could ultimately sabotage all my efforts. I have come too far to let that happen.

What changes has gone by the wayside? First is my "golden rule" to always bring my lunch to work. Picadilly's restaurant caters lunch twice a week for $5. That's a steal in today's economy. For instance, my favorite lunch was Thursday. It consisted of swiss steak(with gravy not tomato sauce), mashed potatoes w/gravy, glazed cararots, roll and salad bar. All for $5. I got it all and ate it all. No restriction at all that day. No feeling of being full. It was a little disturbing but the sad part was I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice until I was done and realized I had eaten it all! Then I was mad at myself. The guilt set in. When I first started this journey after surgery, I would have cut the swiss steak in half and halved all the other food and put it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge. I would limits myself to the just half. Not so anymore. I still bring my lunch most days. That particular day I didn't because I knew I was getting the swiss steak. I find I have stopped putting my servings or what I feel should be my servings in separate containers. I put it one big container and bring the whole thing. Well, no surprise I end up eating the whole thing. Not good. My once good habits are long gone. Time to get it back and get a reality check. It was a pain to put everything in small containers and it takes up a lot of room in the fridge so I got lazy and stopped doing it thinking I could still control my eating because of the band.
How wrong I was. I believe there is no way I am still in the "Green Zone" with how much I have been eating lately. I haven't lost anymore weight since I hit the 50lb mark. Thankfully I haven't gained but no loss. I have even been swelling a little while tells me I am getting too much sodium. I really need a fill. I am really hoping Monday they will give it to me but there is a chance they won't since I am not hungry between meals for anywhere between 4-6 hours. I just eat a lot more than the salad plate size portions.

New outlook coming up. I resolved today to get my habits in check again. I was doing so well, turning down lunch offers at work, turning down offers of cake and candy at work and now I am indulging in it all.

I have brought out some recipes and dusted them off. They are normally my fall/winter soup recipes however lately it has been butt-ass cold at work so I figure some hearty hot soup would hit the spot. I added them to my recipe collection. I think by far the heartiest is the vegetable-rice soup. There is so much going on in the soup that it is filling but yet it is vegetables so I will be hungry a lot sooner.

I am going to the grocery today to get food for me and I am sticking to plan this week. I also plan on declining the Picadilly's lunch service this week. I can't keep eating that way and expect to lose weight. Thankfully I haven't started drinking soft drinks again. If I did, I would be back at square one.

Here's hoping for the fill on Monday. Here's hoping I can stick to my plan.

Next is exercise or lack thereof. It is so easy to be lazy when you are being pulled in so many directions. I have stopped doing most anything. Not a good thing. I honestly hadn't noticed I had stopped until I was walking my daughter to the bus stop this week and was winded after only walking uphill past two houses. I shouldn't feel that way.

So goal number two is to get back into exercise mode. Wish me luck!

This has been a rough week or two

I have truly been struggling this week. I am glad to know I go for a fill on the 23rd, I had thought it was on the 26th. I am hoping I get a fill this time. I'm not hungry between meals but I can eat a  lot at each meal. Much more than a salad size plate. I have put on about 5 lbs this week and have swelling in legs. I can only figure it is due to eating out more often this past few weeks which I know I shouldn't do. I eat breakfast between 7:30 and 8:30. I eat lunch between 12:30-1:30 and am not hungry between meals. I usually don't eat dinner until I get home at 8:30 or if I am starving I will eat something around 7pm. My times are good its just I am eating too much at one time or too fattening foods. I don't know, I will. have keep an eye on that
I have been taking my lunch each day to work but the weekends are killing me. It is way easier to grab something quick then to sit down and eat a good meal at home. I just hope this doesn't set me back too far. I should be happy that this is the first real set back I have had so far. Not too bad I guess but I hate to see my 50 lbs loss go away. It was a milestone for me. It is a little depressing I must say.

I am also dealing with my boss being on vacation this week, a new team leader who is supposed to be helping me, I am team leader too, but it's not enough help. He's new at it I know but he needs to step it up more. To top it off, co-workers think I am on a powertrip because I scrutinize their work. I can't put my approval on it if it is wrong and if I do then I am held accountable . It's not personal, it's my job.
Then the icing on the cake is that my kids go back to school today. My youngest son is starting middle school today, 6th grade, and my youngest daughter is starting 1st grade today. It's a little sad but don't get me wrong, I am fine with the kiddies being in school. It means I get my Friday off days back to myself. It has been a long summer working four 10hr days and not having that Friday to myself to unwind. I look forward to this Friday. It will be all about me. I think I will take in a movie by myself.

So in this post, I have gone from self pity to self worth. What a rollercoaster ride!