This has been a really hard week. A co-worker was fired yesterday. Another co-worker was reprimanded. I found out today that the supervisor's job was offered to another person, who also happens to be in my unit and I am her team leader so that makes me feel and look like a loser. Officially I haven't been notified yet. She has been made an offer for the job. She said she had to think about it. She is remote, works from home, and this job would mean she has to come back into the office and now she just isn't sure she wants to do it. Most likely she will though. If by chance she doesn't accept it, then I am 2nd choice. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It would be hard to accept the job knowing I was 2nd choice only because the 1st choice decided to bail. I doubt I will find out how that feels. I am sure she will accept. Tomorrow will be the day they announce it I think. oh well...life goes on I guess.
I need to get back to the doctor for a follow up. I canceled my last appointment and have not had the time to even call and reschedule. I am about 3 weeks overdue. My 6 months of free follows ups ends in November. Guess I need to get back to seeing them. I don't think I need a fill though. I also am not losing much weight right now. My PCP cut my bp meds in half and I am starting to swell up more often. I had a bp med that has a diuretic in it and now that it is cut in half I am swelling in my feet again. Not as bad as before but it is there.
I am eating okay but I have been eating more candy and sweets. Not because I crave it but because I am soooooooooo stressed at work right now. I know it is a bad habit but right now it is the best I can do. I can't pig out so this is as close as I can get.
What I ate today...
2 eggs, 1 wedge of laughing cow lite swiss
grilled hamburger patty, with jalapeno cheese slice
baked beans, chips
4 Dove caramel chocolates
handful of cheese popcorn
2 bottles of Vitamin water zero-Rise.
I am not the least bit hungry right now.
Well on to tomorrow....
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
The week in review
It has been a long week. Band-Wise nothing new really going on. Occasionally still getting stuck, but no major episodes. I find it is just best to avoid the foods that cause the issue.
I had thought that after all this time I had educated people around me (friends, family, co-workers) as to what I can eat and how much. The misconception that most people have about the amount of food has been trying this week. I even had the same ideas but have since learned it's not true. Here's the deal and I have said it in the past. I am not supposed to be eating 1/4 of a kiddie portion of food. Yes that is what was told to me this week when I was trying to enjoy my lunch. I was informed I was eating too much and was told what's the point of the surgery if you are just going to pig out again. OK, first, who the hell do you think you are to stand there and proceed to try and tell me what I should or should not be doing with regards to my band? Second, you are not one to talk considering you aren't doing squat about your weight issues. Lucky for him I didn't address that. Not my place to do that. Not my issue. I am dealing with mine. Anyway, I just sat there for sec and thought really? You have nerve but I very calmly explain, AGAIN, that he was wrong. I am supposed to eat a salad plate size portion of food at every meal. Again he says well what's the point in that? Um....to lose weight in a healthy way? DUH?? I told him that the point is not to starve myself but to eat healthy portions not bird sized portions. He mumbled that is so not true as he walked away. SERIOUSLY?? Don't come up in my space and try and tell me what I am doing wrong when you are not me and you do not have a band and even if you had the band you are again not me. Everyone is different and has different needs or requirements with the band.
Here's the kicker, I was at one point eating teeny weeny portions, and was still hungry some days and barely losing weight. Oh the scale was still going down just very slowly. Then vacation happened. I didn't have much restriction while on vacation and was able to eat what I thought was much larger amounts of food. I dreaded coming back to my appointment because I just knew I gained weight. Nope! I lost more than ever before. My nurse said that it was because I ate more. I told her that was crazy because even the binder that the doc's office gave me said my pouch would only hold 4 ounces. She said well, that was not exactly true. She then explained what I should eat and how much. I was shocked and believe me it has been a challenge to re-train my thought process to eat more when the purpose was to eat less. I am eating less than before the surgery so all is good. My weight loss has continued to go down in healthy increments and I am much happier for the normal sized food portions.
Right now I don't feel I need another fill. I think I am in the green zone. Yes some things get stuck, that is the nature of the beast within, aka lap band. LOL!! Overall though I am not hungry between meals. I eat 3 times per day. I generally rarely eat a snack unless I am bored so I make a point to avoid that but there is nothing wrong with a couple of cheese and crackers or a few chips or even a Dove Bliss once in while or even a tid bit daily. MM...chocolate.
The point of the band is that it should be such an integral part of me that I don't even notice it. That is where I am now. It is my life so I don't think about it anymore other than the foods that I know get stuck. Those I do think about. I also think about that I know if I wait too long between meals then more foods that normally don't get stuck will. It is my life now.
I hate getting off on this tangent but why do some people feel they have the right to question what I do with my body or my band? I have never flaunted my band in front of anyone. I don't talk about it at work at all. I will answers questions but when some dip wad comes up to my desk while I am enjoying a nice lunch and say things that stupid I have to vent.
On the home front, things are better. Are they great? No but definitely better. He is keeping his comments to himself and has backed off on his obsession somewhat. I am not putting up with it so he might as well give it up.
I had my 1st interview for the Supervisor position on Wednesday. I was sooo nervous. I'm not sure I did so well. I had the impression that she was trying to talk me out of it. Which is strange considering she can just not pick me. Why try to talk me out of it? The first thing she said to me was that she was shocked I applied. When I asked her why she just kind of hedged around it and said she didn't know. Really? I didn't buy that. She told me it was a thankless job and proceeded to tell me how terrible the job was. Why do that? I know exactly what the job is so what is her deal? My supervisor told me that the rule is now if you are turned down for a job and ask them why they MUST give you specific reasons on why the other person was a better fit for the position. Not to toot my own horn but I would be considered an expert for this client so I guess she will have to come up with a really good reason not to choose me. We shall see but another reason why I don't feel good about my chances is that another co-worker applied and when she went to her interview the first thing said to her was that she was that person's first pick even before she posted the job. This person has experience with this client but I have more current knowledge and insight to the client and access to the client as the team leader and coincidentally her team leader too. She on the other hand was a supervisor for this unit we applied for but that was 12 years ago and she chose to step down in rank to her current position. We shall see.
Good clothes news...
This week was business casual at work. No jeans! I have only been wearing jean capris because that is what I had that was comfortable and fit, somewhat. So I had to find clothes for this week and now apparently next too. Casual dress pants. I tore up my house looking for clothes. I found 4 pairs of capri/crop khakis or black pants. They all fit. I was nervous about the 4th pair since they were a few sizes smaller than the others. All my pants have been washed and dried many many times over so in reality they are already smaller than the size in them. I put on the 4th pair yesterday and they fit!! And they were comfortable. Life is good.
Life life on purpose with a purpose
I had thought that after all this time I had educated people around me (friends, family, co-workers) as to what I can eat and how much. The misconception that most people have about the amount of food has been trying this week. I even had the same ideas but have since learned it's not true. Here's the deal and I have said it in the past. I am not supposed to be eating 1/4 of a kiddie portion of food. Yes that is what was told to me this week when I was trying to enjoy my lunch. I was informed I was eating too much and was told what's the point of the surgery if you are just going to pig out again. OK, first, who the hell do you think you are to stand there and proceed to try and tell me what I should or should not be doing with regards to my band? Second, you are not one to talk considering you aren't doing squat about your weight issues. Lucky for him I didn't address that. Not my place to do that. Not my issue. I am dealing with mine. Anyway, I just sat there for sec and thought really? You have nerve but I very calmly explain, AGAIN, that he was wrong. I am supposed to eat a salad plate size portion of food at every meal. Again he says well what's the point in that? Um....to lose weight in a healthy way? DUH?? I told him that the point is not to starve myself but to eat healthy portions not bird sized portions. He mumbled that is so not true as he walked away. SERIOUSLY?? Don't come up in my space and try and tell me what I am doing wrong when you are not me and you do not have a band and even if you had the band you are again not me. Everyone is different and has different needs or requirements with the band.
Here's the kicker, I was at one point eating teeny weeny portions, and was still hungry some days and barely losing weight. Oh the scale was still going down just very slowly. Then vacation happened. I didn't have much restriction while on vacation and was able to eat what I thought was much larger amounts of food. I dreaded coming back to my appointment because I just knew I gained weight. Nope! I lost more than ever before. My nurse said that it was because I ate more. I told her that was crazy because even the binder that the doc's office gave me said my pouch would only hold 4 ounces. She said well, that was not exactly true. She then explained what I should eat and how much. I was shocked and believe me it has been a challenge to re-train my thought process to eat more when the purpose was to eat less. I am eating less than before the surgery so all is good. My weight loss has continued to go down in healthy increments and I am much happier for the normal sized food portions.
Right now I don't feel I need another fill. I think I am in the green zone. Yes some things get stuck, that is the nature of the beast within, aka lap band. LOL!! Overall though I am not hungry between meals. I eat 3 times per day. I generally rarely eat a snack unless I am bored so I make a point to avoid that but there is nothing wrong with a couple of cheese and crackers or a few chips or even a Dove Bliss once in while or even a tid bit daily. MM...chocolate.
The point of the band is that it should be such an integral part of me that I don't even notice it. That is where I am now. It is my life so I don't think about it anymore other than the foods that I know get stuck. Those I do think about. I also think about that I know if I wait too long between meals then more foods that normally don't get stuck will. It is my life now.
I hate getting off on this tangent but why do some people feel they have the right to question what I do with my body or my band? I have never flaunted my band in front of anyone. I don't talk about it at work at all. I will answers questions but when some dip wad comes up to my desk while I am enjoying a nice lunch and say things that stupid I have to vent.
On the home front, things are better. Are they great? No but definitely better. He is keeping his comments to himself and has backed off on his obsession somewhat. I am not putting up with it so he might as well give it up.
I had my 1st interview for the Supervisor position on Wednesday. I was sooo nervous. I'm not sure I did so well. I had the impression that she was trying to talk me out of it. Which is strange considering she can just not pick me. Why try to talk me out of it? The first thing she said to me was that she was shocked I applied. When I asked her why she just kind of hedged around it and said she didn't know. Really? I didn't buy that. She told me it was a thankless job and proceeded to tell me how terrible the job was. Why do that? I know exactly what the job is so what is her deal? My supervisor told me that the rule is now if you are turned down for a job and ask them why they MUST give you specific reasons on why the other person was a better fit for the position. Not to toot my own horn but I would be considered an expert for this client so I guess she will have to come up with a really good reason not to choose me. We shall see but another reason why I don't feel good about my chances is that another co-worker applied and when she went to her interview the first thing said to her was that she was that person's first pick even before she posted the job. This person has experience with this client but I have more current knowledge and insight to the client and access to the client as the team leader and coincidentally her team leader too. She on the other hand was a supervisor for this unit we applied for but that was 12 years ago and she chose to step down in rank to her current position. We shall see.
Good clothes news...
This week was business casual at work. No jeans! I have only been wearing jean capris because that is what I had that was comfortable and fit, somewhat. So I had to find clothes for this week and now apparently next too. Casual dress pants. I tore up my house looking for clothes. I found 4 pairs of capri/crop khakis or black pants. They all fit. I was nervous about the 4th pair since they were a few sizes smaller than the others. All my pants have been washed and dried many many times over so in reality they are already smaller than the size in them. I put on the 4th pair yesterday and they fit!! And they were comfortable. Life is good.
Life life on purpose with a purpose
Friday, September 10, 2010
Times, they's a changing
It seems each day, each week, each month things around me are changing. I am just now beginning to realize that others around me see changes and they are starting to react to them.
For instance, when I was on vacation, for the first time, I didn't feel like people were looking at me. Oh I know I am still big but for some reason I didn't FEEL as big.
At work, people who know I had the surgery tell me they notice it in my face. I can too now. I like what I see for once. I no longer get depressed looking in the mirror when getting ready in the mornings.
At work, they now notice when I do my hair differently. It's a good feeling.
I am buying clothes off the rack, well it is still at Lane Bryant but usually shirts don't fit me. I have to buy online at Womanwithin.com and get bigger than usual sizes. Not any more.
Today I went to the doctor to do a med check. My BP was 104/56. It has NEVER been that low. So once again she reduced my BP meds. She wants to do it slowly so we can monitor my BP to make sure it doesn't start going up. In a month we should know if we can lower it again. It was cut in half today. She is so impressed with my progress. I am so grateful to her for telling me I need to lose the weight for my life. That it now was life or death. She suggested the lap band but clearly said for me to research it and research local surgeons but that she would not be part of the selection process. Once I have a doctor she will monitor my meds and anything they need her to do but she would be there 100% and she has been.
The lap band has been the best decision I ever made and regret not doing it sooner but I think this was just the right time to do it. I believe that is why I am successful.
Well, an update on my life with lap band.
I am still getting stuck almost daily. It isn't bad but at times I had to get hot cider or hot coffee and that relaxes everything and the food goes on through. Or I drink a hot drink before eating and that too takes care of it. I have decided that bread it not worth it. I don't even want to chance it anymore. I ate a hamburger last night from the grill without bread. It wasn't as satisfying but I was able to eat without getting stuck. Well worth it.
I view the getting stuck as a warning alert for me to slow down or choose something different to eat. It could end up being a positive thing. Before this last fill, I had no warnings at all. I could and did eat everything with no trouble. Bread, pasta, meat...no problems.
Well good things are happening and continue to happen. Life is good. I am good. What more could I ask for?
For instance, when I was on vacation, for the first time, I didn't feel like people were looking at me. Oh I know I am still big but for some reason I didn't FEEL as big.
At work, people who know I had the surgery tell me they notice it in my face. I can too now. I like what I see for once. I no longer get depressed looking in the mirror when getting ready in the mornings.
At work, they now notice when I do my hair differently. It's a good feeling.
I am buying clothes off the rack, well it is still at Lane Bryant but usually shirts don't fit me. I have to buy online at Womanwithin.com and get bigger than usual sizes. Not any more.
Today I went to the doctor to do a med check. My BP was 104/56. It has NEVER been that low. So once again she reduced my BP meds. She wants to do it slowly so we can monitor my BP to make sure it doesn't start going up. In a month we should know if we can lower it again. It was cut in half today. She is so impressed with my progress. I am so grateful to her for telling me I need to lose the weight for my life. That it now was life or death. She suggested the lap band but clearly said for me to research it and research local surgeons but that she would not be part of the selection process. Once I have a doctor she will monitor my meds and anything they need her to do but she would be there 100% and she has been.
The lap band has been the best decision I ever made and regret not doing it sooner but I think this was just the right time to do it. I believe that is why I am successful.
Well, an update on my life with lap band.
I am still getting stuck almost daily. It isn't bad but at times I had to get hot cider or hot coffee and that relaxes everything and the food goes on through. Or I drink a hot drink before eating and that too takes care of it. I have decided that bread it not worth it. I don't even want to chance it anymore. I ate a hamburger last night from the grill without bread. It wasn't as satisfying but I was able to eat without getting stuck. Well worth it.
I view the getting stuck as a warning alert for me to slow down or choose something different to eat. It could end up being a positive thing. Before this last fill, I had no warnings at all. I could and did eat everything with no trouble. Bread, pasta, meat...no problems.
Well good things are happening and continue to happen. Life is good. I am good. What more could I ask for?
Friday, September 3, 2010
Stress is my enemy
Stress is the root of all evil. Well okay, not ALL evil but a good bunch of it. Stress causes breakouts, hair falling out, weight gain, weight loss and evidently causes food getting stuck.
I have had many episodes the last two weeks where my food got stuck. Some minor and one very horrible.
What have I learned? I can't get upset or be upset when eating. If I am stressed at all the food gets stuck but it is hot cider to the rescue.
TMI alert...I had to go shopping today for new bras. Come on ladies, you know it is important. With weight loss you know the 1st place you lose it is in the "girls". So I needed new bras. I get a smaller size but they were too small. I am like "huh?". I go back and get fitted and apparently my size is bigger than before. Again, "huh?" That makes no sense. Same band size, bigger cup. Now that makes no sense at all. So I wonder if I was wearing the wrong size all along? I just don't understand it.
I fixed a nice dinner tonight. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and salad. It went down just fine and was delicious!
My food today consisted of scrambled eggs w/laughing cow cheese for breakfast. Carne asado for lunch and the above for dinner. Drank Vitamin water zero Rise in between.
I had to buy new t-shirts today because my clothes are getting too dumpy. That was a little nerve wrecking. I tried on smaller clothes and they didn't fit. They were too small. Again with the "huh?" I just don't get it. I should be in smaller clothes so none of this makes sense. I am still wearing the same size as before. I do admit they fit better but it still doesn't make sense.
How can a 56lb loss not mean smaller clothes?
Peace out......................................
I have had many episodes the last two weeks where my food got stuck. Some minor and one very horrible.
What have I learned? I can't get upset or be upset when eating. If I am stressed at all the food gets stuck but it is hot cider to the rescue.
TMI alert...I had to go shopping today for new bras. Come on ladies, you know it is important. With weight loss you know the 1st place you lose it is in the "girls". So I needed new bras. I get a smaller size but they were too small. I am like "huh?". I go back and get fitted and apparently my size is bigger than before. Again, "huh?" That makes no sense. Same band size, bigger cup. Now that makes no sense at all. So I wonder if I was wearing the wrong size all along? I just don't understand it.
I fixed a nice dinner tonight. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and salad. It went down just fine and was delicious!
My food today consisted of scrambled eggs w/laughing cow cheese for breakfast. Carne asado for lunch and the above for dinner. Drank Vitamin water zero Rise in between.
I had to buy new t-shirts today because my clothes are getting too dumpy. That was a little nerve wrecking. I tried on smaller clothes and they didn't fit. They were too small. Again with the "huh?" I just don't get it. I should be in smaller clothes so none of this makes sense. I am still wearing the same size as before. I do admit they fit better but it still doesn't make sense.
How can a 56lb loss not mean smaller clothes?
Peace out......................................
Friday, August 27, 2010
The week in review, the ups and the downs
Well, it has been an interesting week band-speaking. It started Monday with a follow up visit and a fill. It was a small one at .5cc. Every thing was good. I had restriction. The bad. Each night I would get stuck eating dinner and each night it was a little worse than the night before. I was a little stuck each day at breakfast but that has always been that way. Lunch was never a problem. Before this week, neither was dinner.
Wednesday night I was working until 8pm like usual and got hungry around 7pm, so I fixed the food I brought for dinner. It got stuck. I paced, walked up and down the halls and finally had no choice since I was sliming, it had to come back up. I know this may sound gross but it wasn't throwing up. That comes from the pit of your stomach. Sliming for me usually results in expelling from the throat. It usually clears up what ever was stuck and I feel instantly better. Last night not so. I took one bite of dinner which was a bean burrito and it got stuck. Painfully stuck! Sliming began and well it got expelled. Over and over from 8:30pm until 2am. By that time it was stomach acid. I could even sip water. It got stuck. I called my doctor's office around midnight and was told I was probably too tight and to not eat or drink anything and call my doctor's office in the morning. Like I was going to try eating or drinking anything, seriously! Finally at 4 am I was able to lay down and go to sleep, only to wake up at 5am and start my day. YIPPEE!!
I called my doctor's office and they aren't in Louisville on Fridays so I would have to go to another city about an hour away. I opted to wait until Monday. The nurse, which is the one I usually see told me to sip hot liquids, as hot as I can stand, before meals. It will relax the esophagus. Apparently when food gets stuck, your esophagus spasms. Hot liquids relaxes that but cold or room temperature liquids causes it to restrict. So, I am on a hot liquid before meals diet this weekend and if no better by Monday I will call my doctor again. My nurse, Melissa, said there's a good chance it will pass and I won't need to get an unfill. Fingers crossed.
Now, back to this week. I didn't completely stick to my plan as far as eating home-cooked meals for lunch all week. I did every day except Thursday. I had a baked potato topped with grilled chicken, cheese, sour cream and a salad. I got the Picadilly's lunch that day. I had no problems eating that but dinner that night...well I already told you about that.
Some good news. I sifted through my clothes bin that I have with clothes that were too small but something I would wear if I could. I found a plain v-neck black t-shirt. I bought this about 2 years ago. Yes 2 years. I wore it once but it was so tight, I couldn't stretch it enough to wear comfortably so I never wore it again. This is why the shirt is still black like new, no fading. Looked brand new. I not only wore it yesterday but it was big on me. SO EXCITED!! It's like shopping in my own closet.
Well, that's it for this week. Just a recap really. I need to get past this set back and set my sights on next week and keeping to my plan.
Wednesday night I was working until 8pm like usual and got hungry around 7pm, so I fixed the food I brought for dinner. It got stuck. I paced, walked up and down the halls and finally had no choice since I was sliming, it had to come back up. I know this may sound gross but it wasn't throwing up. That comes from the pit of your stomach. Sliming for me usually results in expelling from the throat. It usually clears up what ever was stuck and I feel instantly better. Last night not so. I took one bite of dinner which was a bean burrito and it got stuck. Painfully stuck! Sliming began and well it got expelled. Over and over from 8:30pm until 2am. By that time it was stomach acid. I could even sip water. It got stuck. I called my doctor's office around midnight and was told I was probably too tight and to not eat or drink anything and call my doctor's office in the morning. Like I was going to try eating or drinking anything, seriously! Finally at 4 am I was able to lay down and go to sleep, only to wake up at 5am and start my day. YIPPEE!!
I called my doctor's office and they aren't in Louisville on Fridays so I would have to go to another city about an hour away. I opted to wait until Monday. The nurse, which is the one I usually see told me to sip hot liquids, as hot as I can stand, before meals. It will relax the esophagus. Apparently when food gets stuck, your esophagus spasms. Hot liquids relaxes that but cold or room temperature liquids causes it to restrict. So, I am on a hot liquid before meals diet this weekend and if no better by Monday I will call my doctor again. My nurse, Melissa, said there's a good chance it will pass and I won't need to get an unfill. Fingers crossed.
Now, back to this week. I didn't completely stick to my plan as far as eating home-cooked meals for lunch all week. I did every day except Thursday. I had a baked potato topped with grilled chicken, cheese, sour cream and a salad. I got the Picadilly's lunch that day. I had no problems eating that but dinner that night...well I already told you about that.
Some good news. I sifted through my clothes bin that I have with clothes that were too small but something I would wear if I could. I found a plain v-neck black t-shirt. I bought this about 2 years ago. Yes 2 years. I wore it once but it was so tight, I couldn't stretch it enough to wear comfortably so I never wore it again. This is why the shirt is still black like new, no fading. Looked brand new. I not only wore it yesterday but it was big on me. SO EXCITED!! It's like shopping in my own closet.
Well, that's it for this week. Just a recap really. I need to get past this set back and set my sights on next week and keeping to my plan.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Out with the Old, In with the New...well new-er
I have made many changes in my life lately, both physical and mental. Some of the changes are obvious to me and any one that is observant. Other changes are under the surface; ones that only I can "see", appreciate and understand.
This past 5 months, starting with my intake visit 2 months before surgery, has been one heck of a ride. So many choices to make and changes to oversee. Now, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate where I am in this journey. I feel I am starting to fall back into some old habits that could ultimately sabotage all my efforts. I have come too far to let that happen.
What changes has gone by the wayside? First is my "golden rule" to always bring my lunch to work. Picadilly's restaurant caters lunch twice a week for $5. That's a steal in today's economy. For instance, my favorite lunch was Thursday. It consisted of swiss steak(with gravy not tomato sauce), mashed potatoes w/gravy, glazed cararots, roll and salad bar. All for $5. I got it all and ate it all. No restriction at all that day. No feeling of being full. It was a little disturbing but the sad part was I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice until I was done and realized I had eaten it all! Then I was mad at myself. The guilt set in. When I first started this journey after surgery, I would have cut the swiss steak in half and halved all the other food and put it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge. I would limits myself to the just half. Not so anymore. I still bring my lunch most days. That particular day I didn't because I knew I was getting the swiss steak. I find I have stopped putting my servings or what I feel should be my servings in separate containers. I put it one big container and bring the whole thing. Well, no surprise I end up eating the whole thing. Not good. My once good habits are long gone. Time to get it back and get a reality check. It was a pain to put everything in small containers and it takes up a lot of room in the fridge so I got lazy and stopped doing it thinking I could still control my eating because of the band.
How wrong I was. I believe there is no way I am still in the "Green Zone" with how much I have been eating lately. I haven't lost anymore weight since I hit the 50lb mark. Thankfully I haven't gained but no loss. I have even been swelling a little while tells me I am getting too much sodium. I really need a fill. I am really hoping Monday they will give it to me but there is a chance they won't since I am not hungry between meals for anywhere between 4-6 hours. I just eat a lot more than the salad plate size portions.
New outlook coming up. I resolved today to get my habits in check again. I was doing so well, turning down lunch offers at work, turning down offers of cake and candy at work and now I am indulging in it all.
I have brought out some recipes and dusted them off. They are normally my fall/winter soup recipes however lately it has been butt-ass cold at work so I figure some hearty hot soup would hit the spot. I added them to my recipe collection. I think by far the heartiest is the vegetable-rice soup. There is so much going on in the soup that it is filling but yet it is vegetables so I will be hungry a lot sooner.
I am going to the grocery today to get food for me and I am sticking to plan this week. I also plan on declining the Picadilly's lunch service this week. I can't keep eating that way and expect to lose weight. Thankfully I haven't started drinking soft drinks again. If I did, I would be back at square one.
Here's hoping for the fill on Monday. Here's hoping I can stick to my plan.
Next is exercise or lack thereof. It is so easy to be lazy when you are being pulled in so many directions. I have stopped doing most anything. Not a good thing. I honestly hadn't noticed I had stopped until I was walking my daughter to the bus stop this week and was winded after only walking uphill past two houses. I shouldn't feel that way.
So goal number two is to get back into exercise mode. Wish me luck!
This past 5 months, starting with my intake visit 2 months before surgery, has been one heck of a ride. So many choices to make and changes to oversee. Now, I am at a point where I need to re-evaluate where I am in this journey. I feel I am starting to fall back into some old habits that could ultimately sabotage all my efforts. I have come too far to let that happen.
What changes has gone by the wayside? First is my "golden rule" to always bring my lunch to work. Picadilly's restaurant caters lunch twice a week for $5. That's a steal in today's economy. For instance, my favorite lunch was Thursday. It consisted of swiss steak(with gravy not tomato sauce), mashed potatoes w/gravy, glazed cararots, roll and salad bar. All for $5. I got it all and ate it all. No restriction at all that day. No feeling of being full. It was a little disturbing but the sad part was I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice until I was done and realized I had eaten it all! Then I was mad at myself. The guilt set in. When I first started this journey after surgery, I would have cut the swiss steak in half and halved all the other food and put it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge. I would limits myself to the just half. Not so anymore. I still bring my lunch most days. That particular day I didn't because I knew I was getting the swiss steak. I find I have stopped putting my servings or what I feel should be my servings in separate containers. I put it one big container and bring the whole thing. Well, no surprise I end up eating the whole thing. Not good. My once good habits are long gone. Time to get it back and get a reality check. It was a pain to put everything in small containers and it takes up a lot of room in the fridge so I got lazy and stopped doing it thinking I could still control my eating because of the band.
How wrong I was. I believe there is no way I am still in the "Green Zone" with how much I have been eating lately. I haven't lost anymore weight since I hit the 50lb mark. Thankfully I haven't gained but no loss. I have even been swelling a little while tells me I am getting too much sodium. I really need a fill. I am really hoping Monday they will give it to me but there is a chance they won't since I am not hungry between meals for anywhere between 4-6 hours. I just eat a lot more than the salad plate size portions.
New outlook coming up. I resolved today to get my habits in check again. I was doing so well, turning down lunch offers at work, turning down offers of cake and candy at work and now I am indulging in it all.
I have brought out some recipes and dusted them off. They are normally my fall/winter soup recipes however lately it has been butt-ass cold at work so I figure some hearty hot soup would hit the spot. I added them to my recipe collection. I think by far the heartiest is the vegetable-rice soup. There is so much going on in the soup that it is filling but yet it is vegetables so I will be hungry a lot sooner.
I am going to the grocery today to get food for me and I am sticking to plan this week. I also plan on declining the Picadilly's lunch service this week. I can't keep eating that way and expect to lose weight. Thankfully I haven't started drinking soft drinks again. If I did, I would be back at square one.
Here's hoping for the fill on Monday. Here's hoping I can stick to my plan.
Next is exercise or lack thereof. It is so easy to be lazy when you are being pulled in so many directions. I have stopped doing most anything. Not a good thing. I honestly hadn't noticed I had stopped until I was walking my daughter to the bus stop this week and was winded after only walking uphill past two houses. I shouldn't feel that way.
So goal number two is to get back into exercise mode. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
SEND ME YOUR RECIPES!!
CALLING ALL COOKS....I AM LOOKING FOR NEW RECIPES THAT ARE BAND FRIENDLY AND/OR JUST PLAIN EASY AND DELICIOUSLY LOW FAT/CALORIES. SEND ME AN EMAIL OR POST AS A COMMENT TO THIS POSTING. I WILL COMPILE A NEW RECIPE LIST FROM ALL YOUR INPUT!!
This has been a rough week or two
I have truly been struggling this week. I am glad to know I go for a fill on the 23rd, I had thought it was on the 26th. I am hoping I get a fill this time. I'm not hungry between meals but I can eat a lot at each meal. Much more than a salad size plate. I have put on about 5 lbs this week and have swelling in legs. I can only figure it is due to eating out more often this past few weeks which I know I shouldn't do. I eat breakfast between 7:30 and 8:30. I eat lunch between 12:30-1:30 and am not hungry between meals. I usually don't eat dinner until I get home at 8:30 or if I am starving I will eat something around 7pm. My times are good its just I am eating too much at one time or too fattening foods. I don't know, I will. have keep an eye on that
I have been taking my lunch each day to work but the weekends are killing me. It is way easier to grab something quick then to sit down and eat a good meal at home. I just hope this doesn't set me back too far. I should be happy that this is the first real set back I have had so far. Not too bad I guess but I hate to see my 50 lbs loss go away. It was a milestone for me. It is a little depressing I must say.
I am also dealing with my boss being on vacation this week, a new team leader who is supposed to be helping me, I am team leader too, but it's not enough help. He's new at it I know but he needs to step it up more. To top it off, co-workers think I am on a powertrip because I scrutinize their work. I can't put my approval on it if it is wrong and if I do then I am held accountable . It's not personal, it's my job.
Then the icing on the cake is that my kids go back to school today. My youngest son is starting middle school today, 6th grade, and my youngest daughter is starting 1st grade today. It's a little sad but don't get me wrong, I am fine with the kiddies being in school. It means I get my Friday off days back to myself. It has been a long summer working four 10hr days and not having that Friday to myself to unwind. I look forward to this Friday. It will be all about me. I think I will take in a movie by myself.
So in this post, I have gone from self pity to self worth. What a rollercoaster ride!
I have been taking my lunch each day to work but the weekends are killing me. It is way easier to grab something quick then to sit down and eat a good meal at home. I just hope this doesn't set me back too far. I should be happy that this is the first real set back I have had so far. Not too bad I guess but I hate to see my 50 lbs loss go away. It was a milestone for me. It is a little depressing I must say.
I am also dealing with my boss being on vacation this week, a new team leader who is supposed to be helping me, I am team leader too, but it's not enough help. He's new at it I know but he needs to step it up more. To top it off, co-workers think I am on a powertrip because I scrutinize their work. I can't put my approval on it if it is wrong and if I do then I am held accountable . It's not personal, it's my job.
Then the icing on the cake is that my kids go back to school today. My youngest son is starting middle school today, 6th grade, and my youngest daughter is starting 1st grade today. It's a little sad but don't get me wrong, I am fine with the kiddies being in school. It means I get my Friday off days back to myself. It has been a long summer working four 10hr days and not having that Friday to myself to unwind. I look forward to this Friday. It will be all about me. I think I will take in a movie by myself.
So in this post, I have gone from self pity to self worth. What a rollercoaster ride!
Friday, August 6, 2010
WHAT DOES 50 LBS LOOK LIKE?
A 6 yr old, 10 5lb bags of sugar, 2 sacks of potatoes, a beagle dog AND the weight that I have lost.
I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 50 LBS AS OF TODAY!
This is a milestone I never thought I would see. This is a milestone I wasn't sure even existed for me. I have tried so many times over the years to lose weight. I have never in my lifetime lost 50 lbs at one time or even within a years time, even two years time. I am trying to digest my accomplishment. I see the changes, yet I don't. Does that even make sense? I see physical changes and I see mental changes. I am more active. I have a better opinion of myself but that is still a work in progress. I definitely feel more confident. I can look in the mirror or my reflection in the windows I am walking by and I no longer cringe.
Yes I am still large and overweight but I am a slimmer overweight. Instead of needing to lose OVER 100 lbs I now need to lose less than 100 lbs. I've never said that before.
I have a new outlook on life. The best part is the band is an integral part of my life. So integral that I don't really think band first anymore. I mean is it possible that 2 1/2 months post op that I am so used to my band? There are days that I totally forget, including the way I eat and get a chilling remiinder in the way of getting stuck and/or close to sliming. That's okay. I will take that. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE!!
As a final note...Krispy Kreme here in Louisville Ky has doughnut sundaes. Yes you read it right. Doughnut sundaes. OMG...Fabulous!!! It starts with a hot glazed doughnut topped with a mound of soft serve ice cream and drizzled with chocolate sauce. I ate the whole thing and nothing got stuck. I take that as a sign I was allowed to have it. I say this because as I am typing I am eating BBQ chicken. I cooked boneless chicken breasts in the crockpot all day. Drained, shredded and added Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. It got stuck. Chicken did! Doughnut did not.
Peace out.....................
I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 50 LBS AS OF TODAY!
This is a milestone I never thought I would see. This is a milestone I wasn't sure even existed for me. I have tried so many times over the years to lose weight. I have never in my lifetime lost 50 lbs at one time or even within a years time, even two years time. I am trying to digest my accomplishment. I see the changes, yet I don't. Does that even make sense? I see physical changes and I see mental changes. I am more active. I have a better opinion of myself but that is still a work in progress. I definitely feel more confident. I can look in the mirror or my reflection in the windows I am walking by and I no longer cringe.
Yes I am still large and overweight but I am a slimmer overweight. Instead of needing to lose OVER 100 lbs I now need to lose less than 100 lbs. I've never said that before.
I have a new outlook on life. The best part is the band is an integral part of my life. So integral that I don't really think band first anymore. I mean is it possible that 2 1/2 months post op that I am so used to my band? There are days that I totally forget, including the way I eat and get a chilling remiinder in the way of getting stuck and/or close to sliming. That's okay. I will take that. I LOVE MY NEW LIFE!!
As a final note...Krispy Kreme here in Louisville Ky has doughnut sundaes. Yes you read it right. Doughnut sundaes. OMG...Fabulous!!! It starts with a hot glazed doughnut topped with a mound of soft serve ice cream and drizzled with chocolate sauce. I ate the whole thing and nothing got stuck. I take that as a sign I was allowed to have it. I say this because as I am typing I am eating BBQ chicken. I cooked boneless chicken breasts in the crockpot all day. Drained, shredded and added Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. It got stuck. Chicken did! Doughnut did not.
Peace out.....................
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
GODDESS
Yeah, you know I am...now. Well, okay maybe not really but there is a point to this madness. Monday I went shopping at a consignment shop. Okay, so it was a plus size consignment shop. They really do have them. There wasn't a huge selection and not particularly stylish. I tried on a shirt and it was skin tight. Depressing. I found these "Goddess" jeans. New with the tag on. They were a couple of sizes smaller than the last pants I bought, pre surgery days. I knew that all my capri jeans were getting baggy. Some to the point, that I have to keep hiking them up during the day. So, I thought I will try these that are one size smaller. They were tight. I could button them because they had some stretch to them but they were pretty tight. Well, I bought them anyway. I WILL get into those capri jeans. I am predicting by the end of this month they will be on me. Ok, actually I am hoping by the end of this month. Something to work towards. A goal. A reward. I'm not focusing on the scale but the comfort of my pants.
I plan on taking all my clothes that are too big and taking the fall clothes up there for consignment. Mine are WAY more stylish then the grandma clothes they had in there. Even for big girl clothes.
I forgot to get on the scale this morning. I know, crazy isn't it. I haven't been focusing on my weight this week. Work has been kicking my butt so I have been focusing my attention on that. Tomorrow morning I will get on it and see how I did.
Check back soon for my pics which may be on here by the time you read this. Before and After.
I plan on taking all my clothes that are too big and taking the fall clothes up there for consignment. Mine are WAY more stylish then the grandma clothes they had in there. Even for big girl clothes.
I forgot to get on the scale this morning. I know, crazy isn't it. I haven't been focusing on my weight this week. Work has been kicking my butt so I have been focusing my attention on that. Tomorrow morning I will get on it and see how I did.
Check back soon for my pics which may be on here by the time you read this. Before and After.
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